down at her。 Her face was shining again； her eyes were shining
again like terrible laughter。 It was to him terrible； how she
could be transfigured。 He could not look at her； it burnt his
heart。
〃My love！〃 she said。
And she put her arms round him as he stood before her round
his thighs； pressing him against her breast。 And her hands on
him seemed to reveal to him the mould of his own nakedness； he
was passionately lovely to himself。 He could not bear to look at
her。
〃My dear！〃 she said。 He knew she spoke a foreign language。
The fear was like bliss in his heart。 He looked down。 Her face
was shining； her eyes were full of light； she was awful。 He
suffered from the pulsion to her。 She was the awful unknown。
He bent down to her； suffering； unable to let go； unable to let
himself go； yet drawn； driven。 She was now the transfigured； she
was wonderful； beyond him。 He wanted to go。 But he could not as
yet kiss her。 He was himself apart。 Easiest he could kiss her
feet。 But he was too ashamed for the actual deed； which were
like an affront。 She waited for him to meet her； not to bow
before her and serve her。 She wanted his active participation；
not his submission。 She put her fingers on him。 And it was
torture to him； that he must give himself to her actively；
participate in her； that he must meet and embrace and know her；
who was other than himself。 There was that in him which shrank
from yielding to her； resisted the relaxing towards her； opposed
the mingling with her； even while he most desired it。 He was
afraid； he wanted to save himself。
There were a few moments of stillness。 Then gradually； the
tension； the withholding relaxed in him； and he began to flow
towards her。 She was beyond him； the unattainable。 But he let go
his hold on himself； he relinquished himself； and knew the
subterranean force of his desire to e to her； to be with her；
to mingle with her； losing himself to find her； to find himself
in her。 He began to approach her； to draw near。
His blood beat up in waves of desire。 He wanted to e to
her； to meet her。 She was there； if he could reach her。 The
reality of her who was just beyond him absorbed him。 Blind and
destroyed； he pressed forward； nearer； nearer； to receive the
consummation of himself； he received within the darkness which
should swallow him and yield him up to himself。 If he could e
really within the blazing kernel of darkness； if really he could
be destroyed； burnt away till he lit with her in one
consummation； that were supreme； supreme。
Their ing together now； after two years of married life；
was much more wonderful to them than it had been before。 It was
the entry into another circle of existence； it was the baptism
to another life； it was the plete confirmation。 Their feet
trod strange ground of knowledge； their footsteps were lit…up
with discovery。 Wherever they walked； it was well； the world
re…echoed round them in discovery。 They went gladly and
forgetful。 Everything was lost； and everything was found。 The
new world was discovered； it remained only to be explored。
They had passed through the doorway into the further space；
where movement was so big； that it contained bonds and
constraints and labours； and still was plete liberty。 She was
the doorway to him； he to her。 At last they had thrown open the
doors； each to the other； and had stood in the doorways facing
each other； whilst the light flooded out from behind on to each
of their faces； it was the transfiguration； glorification； the
admission。
And always the light of the transfiguration burned on in
their hearts。 He went his way； as before； she went her way； to
the rest of the world there seemed no change。 But to the two of
them； there was the perpetual wonder of the transfiguration。
He did not know her any better； any more precisely； now that
he knew her altogether。 Poland； her husband； the war……he
understood no more of this in her。 He did not understand her
foreign nature； half German； half Polish； nor her foreign
speech。 But he knew her； he knew her meaning； without
understanding。 What she said； what she spoke； this was a blind
gesture on her part。 In herself she walked strong and clear； he
knew her； he saluted her； was with her。 What was memory after
all； but the recording of a number of possibilities which had
never been fulfilled？ What was Paul Lensky to her； but an
unfulfilled possibility to which he； Brangwen； was the reality
and the fulfilment？ What did it matter； that Anna Lensky was
born of Lydia and Paul？ God was her father and her mother。 He
had passed through the married pair without fully making Himself
known to them。
Now He was declared to Brangwen and to Lydia Brangwen； as
they stood together。 When at last they had joined hands； the
house was finished； and the Lord took up his abode。 And they
were glad。
The days went on as before； Brangwen went out to his work；
his wife nursed her child and attended in some measure to the
farm。 They did not think of each other…why should they？ Only
when she touched him； he knew her instantly； that she was with
him； near him； that she was the gateway and the way out； that
she was beyond； and that he was travelling in her through the
beyond。 Whither？……What does it matter？ He responded always。
When she called； he answered； when he asked； her response came
at once； or at length。
Anna's soul was put at peace between them。 She looked from
one to the other； and she saw them established to her safety；
and she was free。 She played between the pillar of fire and the
pillar of cloud in confidence； having the assurance on her right
hand and the assurance on her left。 She was no longer called
upon to uphold with her childish might the broken end of the
arch。 Her father and her mother now met to the span of the
heavens； and she； the child； was free to play in the space
beneath； between。
CHAPTER IV
GIRLHOOD OF ANNE BRANGWEN
When Anna was nine years old； Brangwen sent her to the dames'
school in Cossethay。 There she went； flipping and dancing in her
inconsequential fashion； doing very much as she liked；
disconcerting old Miss Coates by her indifference to
respectability and by her lack of reverence。 Anna only laughed
at Miss Coates； liked her； and patronized her in superb；
childish fashion。
The girl was at once shy and wild。 She had a curious contempt
for ordinary people； a benevolent superiority。 She was very shy；
and tortured with misery when people did not like her。 On the
other hand； she cared very little for anybody save her mother；
whom she still rather resentfully worshipped； and her father；
whom she loved and patronized； but upon whom she depended。 These
two； her mother and father； held her still in fee。 But she was
free of other people； towards whom； on the whole； she took the
benevolent attitude。 She deeply hated ugliness or intrusion or
arrogance； however。 As a child； she was as proud and shadowy as
a tiger； and as aloof。 She could confer favours； but； save from
her mother and father； she could receive none。 She hated people
who came too near to her。 Like a wild thing； she wanted her
distance。 She mistrusted intimacy。
In Cossethay and Ilkeston she was always an alien。 She had
plenty of acquaintances； but no friends。 Very few people whom
she met were significant to her。 They seemed part of a herd；
undistinguished。 She did not take people very seriously。
She had two brothers； Tom； dark…haired； small； volatile； whom
she was intimately related to but whom she never mingled with；
and Fred； fair and responsive； whom she adored but did not
consider as a real； separate thing。 She was too much the centre
of her own universe； too little aware of anything outside。
The first person she met； who affected her as a real；
living person； whom she regarded as having definite existence；
was Baron Skrebensky； her mother's friend。 He also was a Polish
exile； who had taken orders； and had received from Mr。 Gladstone
a small country living in Yorkshire。
When Anna was about ten years old； she went with her mother
to spend a few days with the Baron Skrebensky。 He was very
unhappy in his red…brick vicarage。 He was vicar of a country
church； a living wo