some of her experiences with men。
As they talked thus； on the little verandah of the bungalow；
the night fell； there was a little warm rain。
〃It is really stifling；〃 said Miss Inger。
They watched a train； whose lights were pale in the lingering
twilight； rushing across the distance。
〃It will thunder；〃 said Ursula。
The electric suspense continued； the darkness sank； they were
eclipsed。
〃I think I shall go and bathe；〃 said Miss Inger； out of the
cloud…black darkness。
〃At night？〃 said Ursula。
〃It is best at night。 Will you e？〃
〃I should like to。〃
〃It is quite safe……the grounds are private。 We had
better undress in the bungalow； for fear of the rain； then run
down。〃
Shyly； stiffly； Ursula went into the bungalow； and began to
remove her clothes。 The lamp was turned low； she stood in the
shadow。 By another chair Winifred Inger was undressing。
Soon the naked； shadowy figure of the elder girl came to the
younger。
〃Are you ready？〃 she said。
〃One moment。〃
Ursula could hardly speak。 The other naked woman stood by；
stood near； silent。 Ursula was ready。
They ventured out into the darkness； feeling the soft air of
night upon their skins。
〃I can't see the path；〃 said Ursula。
〃It is here；〃 said the voice； and the wavering； pallid figure
was beside her； a hand grasping her arm。 And the elder held the
younger close against her； close； as they went down； and by the
side of the water； she put her arms round her； and kissed her。
And she lifted her in her arms； close； saying； softly：
〃I shall carry you into the water。〃
＇Ursula lay still in her mistress's arms； her forehead against the
beloved； maddening breast。
〃I shall put you in；〃 said Winifred。
But Ursula twined her body about her mistress。＇
After awhile the rain came down on their flushed； hot limbs；
startling； delicious。 A sudden； ice…cold shower burst in a great
weight upon them。 They stood up to it with pleasure。 Ursula
received the stream of it upon her breasts and her limbs。 It
made her cold； and a deep； bottomless silence welled up in her；
as if bottomless darkness were returning upon her。
So the heat vanished away； she was chilled； as if from a
waking up。 She ran indoors； a chill； non…existent thing； wanting
to get away。 She wanted the light； the presence of other people；
the external connection with the many。 Above all she wanted to
lose herself among natural surroundings。
She took her leave of her mistress and returned home。 She was
glad to be on the station with a crowd of Saturday…night people；
glad to sit in the lighted； crowded railway carriage。 Only she
did not want to meet anybody she knew。 She did not want to talk。
She was alone； immune。
All this stir and seethe of lights and people was but the
rim； the shores of a great inner darkness and void。 She wanted
very much to be on the seething； partially illuminated shore；
for within her was the void reality of dark space。
For a time Miss Inger； her mistress； was gone； she was only a
dark void； and Ursula was free as a shade walking in an
underworld of extinction； of oblivion。 Ursula was glad； with a
kind of motionless； lifeless gladness； that her mistress was
extinct； gone out of her。
In the morning； however； the love was there again； burning；
burning。 She remembered yesterday； and she wanted more； always
more。 She wanted to be with her mistress。 All separation from
her mistress was a restriction from living。 Why could she not go
to her to…day； to…day？ Why must she pace about revoked at
Cossethay whilst her mistress was elsewhere？ She sat down and
wrote a burning； passionate love…letter： she could not help
it。
The two women became intimate。 Their lives seemed suddenly to
fuse into one； inseparable。 Ursula went to Winifred's lodging；
she spent there her only living hours。 Winifred was very fond of
water；……of swimming； of rowing。 She belonged to various
athletic clubs。 Many delicious afternoons the two girls spent in
a light boat on the river； Winifred always rowing。 Indeed；
Winifred seemed to delight in having Ursula in her charge； in
giving things to the girl； in filling and enrichening her
life。
So that Ursula developed rapidly during the few months of her
intimacy with her mistress。 Winifred had had a scientific
education。 She had known many clever people。 She wanted to bring
Ursula to her own position of thought。
They took religion and rid it of its dogmas； its falsehoods。
Winifred humanized it all。 Gradually it dawned upon Ursula that
all the religion she knew was but a particular clothing to a
human aspiration。 The aspiration was the real thing；……the
clothing was a matter almost of national taste or need。 The
Greeks had a naked Apollo； the Christians a white…robed Christ；
the Buddhists a royal prince； the Egyptians their Osiris。
Religions were local and religion was universal。 Christianity
was a local branch。 There was as yet no assimilation of local
religions into universal religion。
In religion there were the two great motives of fear and
love。 The motive of fear was as great as the motive of love。
Christianity accepted crucifixion to escape from fear； 〃Do your
worst to me； that I may have no more fear of the worst。〃 But
that which was feared was not necessarily all evil； and that
which was loved not necessarily all good。 Fear shall bee
reverence； and reverence is submission in identification； love
shall bee triumph； and triumph is delight in
identification。
So much she talked of religion； getting the gist of many
writings。 In philosophy she was brought to the conclusion that
the human desire is the criterion of all truth and all good。
Truth does not lie beyond humanity； but is one of the products
of the human mind and feeling。 There is really nothing to fear。
The motive of fear in religion is base； and must be left to the
ancient worshippers of power； worship of Moloch。
We do not worship power； in our enlightened souls。 Power is
degenerated to money and Napoleonic stupidity。
Ursula could not help dreaming of Moloch。 Her God was not
mild and gentle； neither Lamb nor Dove。 He was the lion and the
eagle。 Not because the lion and the eagle had power； but because
they were proud and strong； they were themselves； they were not
passive subjects of some shepherd； or pets of some loving woman；
or sacrifices of some priest。 She was weary to death of mild；
passive lambs and monotonous doves。 If the lamb might lie down
with the lion； it would be a great honour to the lamb； but the
lion's powerful heart would suffer no diminishing。 She loved the
dignity and self…possession of lions。
She did not see how lambs could love。 Lambs could only be
loved。 They could only be afraid； and tremblingly submit to
fear； and bee sacrificial； or they could submit to love； and
bee beloveds。 In both they were passive。 Raging； destructive
lovers； seeking the moment when fear is greatest； and triumph is
greatest； the fear not greater than the triumph； the triumph not
greater than the fear； these were no lambs nor doves。 She
stretched her own limbs like a lion or a wild horse； her heart
was relentless in its desires。 It would suffer a thousand
deaths； but it would still be a lion's heart when it rose from
death； a fiercer lion she would be； a surer； knowing herself
different from and separate from the great； conflicting universe
that was not herself。
Winifred Inger was also interested in the Women's
Movement。
〃The men will do no more；……they have lost the capacity
for doing；〃 said the elder girl。 〃They fuss and talk； but they
are really inane。 They make everything fit into an old； inert
idea。 Love is a dead idea to them。 They don't e to one and
love one； they e to an idea； and they say 'You are my idea；'
so they embrace themselves。 As if I were any man's idea！ As if I
exist because a man has an idea of me！ As if I will be betrayed
by him； lend him my body as an instrument for his idea； to be a
mere apparatus of his dead theory。 But they are too fussy to be
able to act； they are all impotent； they can't take a
woman。 They e to their own idea every time； and take that。
They are like serpents trying to swallow themselves because they
are hungry。〃
U