ABC Amber LIT Converter v2。02
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
I interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this late…breaking news：
my tipsters are the best。 You may remember a concerned reader writing in a few days ago about a
couple of look…alike impostors who？d infiltrated Hamptons society？ Turns out they weren？t
fooling： the gruesome twosome who bear a disturbing resemblance to and are a couple of Estonian
semibeauties who a certain designer has hired to be the faces of his newest venture； a
ready…to…wear line he？s launching this fall。 Looks like it？s going to be double （quadruple？） the
trouble。 And here I thought scientists had only figured out how to clone a sheep！ Estonia is so
technologically advanced。 But the real dirt is on these girls？ sor…did history。 Details are surfacing
as we speak！ My money？s on to freak out first； but before she does； let？s all take a second to
appreciate the possibilities？couldn？t having your own private look…alike e in mighty handy at
times？ I know I would have loved one this past May at exam time； when all this body wanted to
do was lounge in Sheep Meadow。 And what about avoiding boring family brunches at Le Cirque？
Or having an extra pair of hands to do some charity work in our names？ And isn？t more a little
merrier anyway？ Then again； more bodies = less space on those overcrowded Hamptons beaches。
Maybe ditching those doppelgangers isn？t such a bad idea。 （Did you really think that getting into
college meant I？d forget all my SAT words？）
If you？re merely nodding to my overcrowded beaches ment and haven？t actually
experienced it firsthand； consider this a public service announcement： no matter how many people
flock to the Hamptons in the summer； it？s the only place to see and be seen。 So fold up that
lap…top； grab a beach bag； and get your booty to the nearest private jet！ In a pinch； the Hampton
Jitney will do？it should only take an extra couple hours of miserable bumper…to…bumper traffic。
But trust me； it will be worth it when you？re digging your toes into the shimmering sand。 What
price glory！
Since you？d all be helpless without me； I？ll lay out exactly what you need to bring。 。 。 。
packing list for a hasty hamptons departure
？ Oversize Chanel sunglasses or old…school aviators。 Impostor sunglasses are a little like
impostor models： they look fine on first inspection； but close…up they just look bad。
？ Clarins SPF 30 with moisturizer。 That whole tanned…to…a…crisp thing went out with last year？s
espadrilles。
？ Kiehl？s SPF 15 lip balm with berry tint。 Just because you？re avoiding tan lines doesn？t mean
your lips should go naked。
？ A monogrammed boat bag with matching towel。 Sort of the designer equivalent of name tags
on your clothes for summer camp。 If you lose a towel； keep your fingers crossed that a hottie finds
it？and then finds you to return it。
？ Metromint mint…flavored water。 It？s cooling for a hot day in the sun。 Plus； it freshens your
breath； making you all the more kissable。 Mwa！ Mwa！ Mwa！
？ Your best friends。 You？re going to need someone to rub Coppertone on your back； and we all
know that summer fling of yours isn？t really a long…term solution。 。 。 。
your e…mail
Speaking of summer flings； it seems from your e…mails that you all are having some serious
relationship woes。 Let me help you out：
Q：？
Dear GG；
？
I？ve been living with my ex…boyfriend/friend； and now I？m planning to take off for a while。 It？s
nothing personal？just a vacation。 What？s the protocol？ Do I tell him or just let him figure it out？
？
？Roommate on the Run
A：？
Dear RotR；
？
Just because you know how your roommate kisses doesn？tmean you should go and throw the
house rules out the pent…house window。 Allow me to share the basics： 1） Food is munal unless
otherwise labeled。 2） Give a call if you？re not ing home at night？we worry！ And 3） If you
aren？t inviting us onyour vacation； the least you can do is leave a note and a gift。（I？ve been
checking out the new Marc by Marc Jacobs beachtotes； but maybe that？s just me。） Bon voyage！
？
？GG
Q：？
Dear GG；
？
I know my ex…boyfriend is living on the same street as me this summer； but I can？t figure out
which house is his。 Help！
？
？Stalking the Neighborhood
A：？
Dear Stalking；
？
Maybe you should take a clue from Hansel and Gretel and help him find his way to you。 If he？s
like every boy I know； a trail of discarded clothes will do the trick！
？
？GG
sightings
An infamous lacrosse coach？s wife？we？ll call her olderB ？ing out of a tattoo parlor in
Hampton Bays。 I wonder who the experience was more painful for： her； or the tattoo artist who
had to see her topless？ Former yoga enthusiastD chain…smoking cigarettes outside the Strand。
Looks like those downward…dog days are over。 That is； unless someone else can whip him into
shape 。 。 。 His little sisterJ all the way in Prague； sketching a totally adorable boy while he
sketched the local market scene？nice to see traveling hasn？t changed her！ A certain monkey…toting
Manhattanite；C ； stocking up on Fake Bake self…tanning cream in Chocolate Mousse。 Yummy！
Will the Hamptons be acmodating yet another visitor？V buying Bermuda shorts and a
black…and…white striped boatneck tee in Club Monaco on Broadway。 How positively summery of
her。S andB sharing cocktails with their look…alikes？how weird would it be if the four of them
became BFFs？！
Okay； darlings； that？s it for now。 I have a mani…pedi scheduled for this afternoon； and I still can？t
decide between pale pink Bikini with a Martini； golden…beige Cabana Boy； or bright…coral Shop
Till I Drop。 Decisions； decisions。 At least I can？t go wrong！
You know you love me。
gossip girl
b & v break out the birthday suits
？Tell me again；？ Serena sighed； idly flipping the glossy pages of that month？s JapaneseVogue as
she lay sprawled across the minimalist oak platform bed； ？why we？re inside on a day like today？？
The day in question was ninety degrees and clear as glass； with the slightest suggestion of an
ocean breeze。 Serena looked up from the close…up photo of a very blond Japanese model with
painted…on eyelashes sucking on an applered lollipop。 She could see an inviting cool patch of
shade under the wide white canvas umbrellas stationed alongside the swimming pool。 Today was
definitely a lounge…around…half…in…and…half…out…of…the…water sort of day。
？You know the answer to that；？ snapped Blair； who was angrily riffling through the dark walnut
armoire where Annabella； Bailey Winter？s housekeeper； had hung all of their garment…bagged
clothes。 ？I swear one of those fucking girls took my fucking Dolce sundress。 The one with the
grommets。 I can？t find it anywhere。？ She started haphazardly ripping dresses off of their wooden
hangers and tossing them onto the floor。
Well； that？s what maids are for！
？Mmm；？ Serena murmured。 There was nothing special about Blair throwing a tantrum； although
Serena kind of hoped she？d pick up the clothes afterwards。 But ever since they？d arrived at Bailey
Winter？s sprawling modernist pound； Blair had thrown more than her fair share？even for her。
Now that？s really saying something。
Blair was convinced that the skanky Eurotrash models Ibiza and Svetlana were out to get her。
She kept accusing them of swiping her clothes or using her La Mer SPF 45 moisturizer and
insisting that Ibiza； the brunette； was mimicking her every move； from her new chin…grazing
hairstyle to her wardrobe selections。 Serena had to admit the pair bore a troubling resemblance to
her and Blair； but they seemed harmless enough。 They were just annoying； like the copycat
ninth…grade girls back at Constance Billard。
Isn？t mimicry the most sincere form of flattery？
？Fuck this；？ Serena announced； closing the magazine and pushing it off the bed。 She
yawned。 ？I？m not going to rot in here all summer long just because we want to avoid some weird
girls with buckteeth and c