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Poor thing。 Sounds like you could use your own doppelganger right now！ But if that？s not an
option； here are some quick fixes to stay cool in the city：
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1） Find your nearest rooftop pool。 If you don？t have a friend withher own （or if she？s out of town
too）； try Soho House or theHotel Gansevoort。 If you？re really desperate； buy yourself a kiddie
pool； bring it up to your roof； and don？t forget the hundredbottles of Evian。 Now that？s what I call
a private party。
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2） The A/C at Barneys is to die for。 I suppose it isn？t terriblysunny； but if you？re trying on bikinis；
it？s almost like being at thebeach。
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3） Three words： Tasti D…Lite。 （Or is that a two…word hyphenate？）Okay； so Tasti D is totally five
years ago； but you know you wantsomething cool and sweet。 And if you？re really not going
tomake it to the beach this summer； do me the favor of forgettingabout the calories and slurping up
some hazelnut gelato fromCones。 Yum。
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4） You did say you were in summer school； right？ Um； hello；isn？t it airconditioned？ If you don？t
know the answer； you bettercheck the attendance policy again！
？GG
beach blanket bingo rules and regulations
For you lucky ones staying cool at the beach； don？t worry； I haven？t for…gotten about you either。
The most important thing to remember this summer？and this is for your own good； as well as
everyone else？s？ is that when New Yorkers transport their social scene from the chic Manhattan
bars to the sandy Hamptons beaches； we transport our social rules as well。 After all； we have to
have some kind of order in place。 So for those not in the know； the unspoken rules of beach
etiquette that you absolutely must obey are：
1） Wear big sunglasses if you？re going to stare。 And you know you？re going to。
2） Leave at least four feet between your towel and that of your neighbor （and that is the bare
minimum； only in the direst of situations。） If you think being packed like sardines in a hot subway
car is bad； imagine feeling that way for four hours straight with hardly any clothes on。 Nobody
needs to be that up close and personal。
3） I don？t care if you？re Ricky Martin？no Speedos； please！ Actually； especially if you？re Ricky
Martin。 Ick。
4） Same goes for scary amounts of chest or back hair。 Wax it off； cover it up； or stay at home！
It？s that simple； gorilla boys。
5） When rubbing sunblock on a friend or significant other； don？t get too frisky。 We？ve all seen
ladies do the girl…on…girl thing in bars to get attention； and we？ve all seen couples making out in
dark corners； and both those acts are even tackier in broad daylight。 Trust me； there are other ways
to get people to notice you。 I should know。
some burning questions
Running the gossip mill isn？t all parties and pi？a coladas； you know？ it？s a round…the…clock job。
Okay； fine； it？s a lot of parties and pi？a coladas。 Maybe I？m not saving lives in the ER； but I？m
saving your social lives； people； and that？s every bit as important。 For those non…believers； I？ll
share just a few of the questions that keep me up late into the night （when I don？t have a party；
that is）：
Could it be true thatN has fallen for an older woman？ He was last seen waving goodbye to a
barely clothed older woman in Hampton Bays。 Interesante。 From what I hear； it wouldn？t be the
first time。 。 。 。 Is it also possible thatB andS are exploring their sapphic side？again？ Apparently
they？ve taken to nude sunbathing and to sharing a bed。 Maybe they？ve finally made it official！？
WillV be jealous？ I？ve always wondered about her and that well…groomed buzz cut。 Speaking of
buzzzzzing； little Ms。V was seen taking a late…night swim last night in a less…than…flattering kiddie
bathing suit。 Keep your eye out for her bumble…bee…on…holiday beach ensemble； ing soon to a
beach near you。 And then there？sD 。 。 。 。
I can？t even tell you how many of you have been e…mailing me about tomorrow night？s literary
salon。 Am I missing out？ I thought reading Proust in the dark was for skinny； pale boys with
coke…bottle glasses； but according to your e…mails； some hottie bookworms are ing out and
they？re looking for love 。 。 。 。 Could this be the Great Geek Matchup？ Well； just because I won？t
be there doesn？t mean I can？t help you out。 That？s just how generous I am。 So here you are； by
popular request。 。 。 。
proper etiquette at a literary salon： dos and don？ts
DO 。 。 。 pronounce it properly： it？s saaaah…lon； not the place on the corner where all the women
have long red nails and you get your hair cut。
DO 。 。 。 bring something potent and interesting to drink； that means Pernod； Chartreuse； or ouzo。
Leave the Bud at home； thanks。
DO 。 。 。 nod along to what everyone says； even if you？re too busy checking out the hot poetry
nerd across the room to actually listen。
DON？T 。 。 。 be totally silent。 It？s not school？there are no wrong answers？so just make something
up to impress people。 Or say some…thing in another language。 That never fails。
DON？T 。 。 。 be inflexible。 If fellow members ask you to try something new； remember： truly
artistic types are always willing to experiment。
DON？T 。 。 。 be surprised if things get heated。 Emotions can run high between stanzas。
Okay； kids； have a good time with your books？and let me know how it all turns out。 You know
I？m curious； and you know what they say about geeks？ They？re freaks？in bed。 Toodles！
You know you love me。
gossip girl
guess v？s not in kansas anymore
？Hurry； hurry！ Vanessa； hurry up！？
The boisterous four…year…old twins bounced ahead of her； a blur of elbows and curly hair and
Brooks Brothers swim trunks with tiny sailboats dotted all over them？Nils in red and Edgar in
blue。 They ran along the wooded path to the beach； sending a spray of sand into the air。
？Slow down！？ Vanessa readjusted the massive pink…and…kelly…green monogrammed canvas tote
bag filled with fins and masks； rolled…up Pratesi beach towels； five kinds of sun…block； Bob the
Builder activity books； juice boxes； snacks； plastic buckets and shovels； a Frisbee； a soccer ball；
and two video iPods loaded withLittle Einsteins shows。 In her other hand； she was holding a
massive navy…and…cream striped Smith & Hawken umbrella that Ms。 Morgan had insisted she
bring along。
？I said；slow down！ ？ Vanessa cried again； as the bobbing duo disappeared behind the dune ahead。
She was on the verge of screaming her sweaty head off when she decided she really didn？t
care。Whatever。 Go ahead。 Drown。 Get kidnapped。 Fuck if I care。 It would be a blessing。 The truth
was； the twins probably knew the beach as well as they knew their local Central Park playground。
It was she who was lost。
She finally reached the crest of the hill and surveyed the scene： Nils and Edgar had vanished into
the thicket of bodies crowding the beach； which didn？t seem to have one bit of sand available。
Tripping in her black All Stars？she？d pulled the laces out and wrongly assumed they？d be every
bit as fortable as flip…flops？Vanessa wove through the maze of blankets； folding chairs； and
blond； bronzed twentysome…things with the pale kids they were obviously babysitting。 She had
exhausted her last reserve of muscle power when she happened upon a four…foot…square patch of
beach。Thank God。 She dropped the overstuffed bag and heavy canvas umbrella onto the burning
hot sand； then plopped down。
？Just a lovely day at the beach；？ she muttered to herself； perfectly mimicking Ms。 Morgan？s
dulcet accent as she dug around in the basket for a blanket； which she half…heartedly spread out in
front of her without even standing up。 The tote had fallen onto its side but Vanessa didn？t bother
trying to stuff all the contents back into it。Stupid； stupid； stupid； she scolded herself as she realized
she？d neglected to bring anything for herself to do。 What she？d give to be back in Manhattan；
sitting in the cool dark of the Film Forum； watching the latest Todd Solondz movie。 Instead she
was sitting in the sand； the hot sun beating down on her； with nothing to do but pick the stubborn
dried snot globs out of the inside of the twins？ tiny nostr