law？something to do with carrying shopping bags full of items that didn？t exactly belong to her
out of a well…known department store？ She？s in rehab； too； but don？t worry？the film industry will
find a way to bring her back。 In fact； that？s what distinguishes the flavors of the month from the
real stars。 We kind ofwant to see her again。 We want to know that there？s life after being busted。
We want to see her rise to new heights； whereas we don？t much care what happens to Sally。 At
nineteen； she was already tired。
The ins and outs of rehab
Rehab and college are actually very similar as far as status is concerned。 There are the select few；
which are filled with celebrities and the children of the very rich； and then there are the rest of
them； which are filled with regular people。 Getting into the best ones is highly petitive； but
once you？re in； you？rein 。 So I wouldn？t worry about our darlingN 。 He may be in trouble； but his
parents aren？t about to send him to the rehab equivalent of munity college。
Your e…mail
Q：？ ？ Dear GG；
I？m an intern at Les Best Couture； and I heard Les sent a spy toS ？s school to check out what she
looked like。 He was kind of mad that she was hired without him even seeing her。
？lilintern
A：？ ？ Dear lil；
I bet he？s not mad anymore though； right？
？GG
Q：？ ？ dear gossip girl；
how e you never mentionK andI anymore？ It makes me wonder if maybe you are one of
them。
？eyespy
A：？ ？ Dear eyespy；
I？ll never tell； so wonder away！
？GG
Sightings
KandI ？there； I mentioned them？inBryant Park ； freezing their butts off in skimpyBlue Cult
denim miniskirts as they tried to get the interns working the doors of theFashion Week tents to
give them first… or second…row seats for Friday and Saturday？s runway shows instead of their
usual ones toward the back。B rentingHow to Steal a Million ； starringAudrey Hepburn ； for the
seventeenth time atBlockbuster on Seventy…second and Lex。 I guess that？sone way of preparing
for yourYale alum interview。N headed up the Merritt Parkway toward Connecticut in the back seat
of his parents？ blackMercedes SUV 。 On his way to rehab； maybe？V inBarneys ； of all
places； checking out a frayed black hemp driving coat with chain…mail seams and vintage
hook…and…eye buttons byCulture of Humanity by Jedediah Angel 。 She looked tempted； but at that
price she？d be better off ripping up her own clothes and fastening them together with paper clips。
My problem isn？t getting into the first row？it？s which show to go to。 Theyall want me！ Sigh。
Being popular can be seriously hard work。
You know you love me。
gossip girl
jande explore their problem areas
？Five more minutes； ladies；？ announced Ms。 Crumb to her Constance Billard ninth…grade
creative writing class。 She pulled her curly black hair out of the way and prodded the wax in her
right ear with the eraser of a yellow number two pencil。 ？Remember； it？s notwhat you？re writing
about buthow you describe it。？
None of the girls looked up。 They were too busy writing； and besides； they really didn？t want to
see what Ms。 Crumb was doing when she thought they weren？t looking。 They？d already been
grossed out enough times。
According to the girls；all the female teachers at Constance Billard were lesbians； but Ms。 Crumb
was the only teacher at Constance who was officially out。 She wore a rainbow pin to school every
day； shared a country house in New Paltz with five other women； and often referred to
her ？partner？？as in； ？The other night my partner was drinking Amstel Lite and watching Barbara
Walters； who she has a total crush on；while I sat in the kitchen and graded your papers。？ Every
year the ninth graders looked forward to having Ms。 Crumb？s creative writing class； assuming
she？d be cool and down…to…earth since she was so forthright about her sexuality。 But after a day in
her classroom her students realized they weren？t just going to sit around for forty…five minutes
talking about girl stuff with a woman who liked girls？they were going to have to write things
every day in class； read them out loud；and then listen to Ms。 Crumb and their classmates criticize
what they had written in a sometimes not very nice way。 Ms。 Crumb was a major hardass； but as
far as subjects went； creative writing was still a hell of a lot better than geometry。
Today Ms。 Crumb had asked the girls to pick a partner？ in the platonic sense？and write a
paragraph describing a part of their partner？s body。 Of course Elise and Jenny had picked each
other。 They were beginning to do almost everything together。
It？s odd that we decorate our ears with earrings and don？t try to cover them；Jenny wrote。They？re
just as indecent as the parts we do cover； like bare holes that go straight into our heads。 My friend
Elise？s ears are small； with a little blond fuzz on them。 She has good hearing； too； because she
never says； ？What？？ and asks me to repeat myself。 I guess she keeps them pretty clean。
Jenny looked up and decided to erase the last line and replace it with something else。 Ms。 Crumb
might get offended； since she obviously had some kind of ear…cleaning fetish。
But instead of writing something else to replace the ear…cleaning line； Jenny？s mind wandered
back to her e…mail。 She？d been checking it regularly； just like Blair had told her to； however； the
only messages she？d gotten had been jokey ones from Elise and her brother； telling her to stop
checking her e…mail and get back to her homework。 She glanced at Elise； who was scribbling away；
already on her second page。 Jenny wished she had Dan？s knack for the written word。 She was
better at detailed drawings and painting and calligraphy。
At the top of the page she drew an elaborate drawing of Elise？s ear and the side of her face；
hoping she？d score points for being artistic； even if her essay sucked。 Her mind wandered again；
to the blond boy she？d spotted in Bendel？s。 Was he artistic； too？
The bell rang to mark the end of last period and Ms。 Crumb stood up and brushed chalk dust
from her dark gray wool pinafore dress that looked like it had been made by nuns somewhere cold
and fashionless； like Greenland。
？Time？s up； ladies。 Pencils down。 You can hand in your papers as you leave。？ She tucked her
maroon…stockinged feet into a pair of black felt L。L。 Bean clogs。 ？Happy Thursday afternoon！？
？So what？d you write about？？ Jenny asked Elise after they had packed up their book bags and
were on their way out the school doors。
？None of your business；？ Elise answered； blushing。
？Don？t think I？m never going to find out。 You？ll probably have to read it out loud on Monday；？
Jenny reminded her。 ？I wrote about your ears； but it kind of sucked。？
The two girls bowed their heads against the fierce February wind and headed over to Lexington
to take the bus down to Bloomingdale？s on East Fifty…ninth Street。 Elise had enlisted Jenny to
help her to find the perfect pair of jeans for less than eighty dollars； and； as usual； Jenny needed
some new bras； since she was always wearing out the elastic or breaking the underwires in the
ones she had。
Bloomingdale？s was a tacky war zone of tourists sporting the new tracksuits and sneakers they？d
just bought at Nike Town； along with gaggles of blue…haired bargain hunters； but it was the only
place to go for oversized bras and moderately priced jeans other than Macy？s； which was simply
gross。
Those with better taste and bigger credit limits went to Bergdorf？s； Bendel？s； or Barneys； but for
people like Jenny and Elise； Bloomingdale？s would just have to do。
？I can？t believe you can just put those on and they？re the perfect length；？ Jenny said enviously as
she watched Elise try on her first pair of Paris Blues jeans in the dressing room。 Jenny was barely
five feet tall and had to shorten everything。 Elise was five foot seven； but she had other problems；
like her pletely flat chest and the podge that padded her hip bones and lower back like a
second butt。
Elise scrunched up her freckled face and stared down at the bulges riding above the waistband of