Still； the Doctor； with shaded forehead； beat his foot nervously on the ground。
‘You do not find it easy to advise me？' said Mr。 Lorry。
‘I quite understand it to be a nice question。 And yet I think………' And there he shook his head； and stopped。
‘You see；' said Doctor Manette； turning to him after an uneasy pause； ‘it is very hard to explain； consistently； the innermost workings of this poor man's mind。 He once yearned so frightfully for that occupation； and it was so wele when it came； no doubt it relieved his pain so much； by substituting the perplexity of the fingers for the perplexity of the brain； and by substituting； as he became more practised； the ingenuity of the hands； for the ingenuity of the mental torture； that he has never been able to bear the thought of putting it quite out of his reach。 Even now； when I believe he is more hopeful of himself than he has ever been； and even speaks of himself with a kind of confidence； the idea that he might need that old employment； and not find it； gives him a sudden sense of terror； like that which one may fancy strikes to the heart of a lost child。'
He looked like his illustration； as he raised his eyes to Mr。 Lob's face。 ‘But may not……mind！ I ask for information； as a plodding man of business who only deals with such material objects as guineas； shillings； and bank…notes……may not the retention of the thing involve the retention of the idea？ If the thing were gone； my dear Manette； might not the fear go with it？ In short； is it not a concession to the misgiving； to keep the forge？'
There was another silence。
‘You see； too；' said the Doctor； tremulously； ‘it is such an old panion。'
‘I would not keep it；' said Mr。 Lorry； shaking his head； for he gained in firmness as he saw the Doctor disquieted。 ‘I would remend him to sacrifice it。 I only want your authority。 I am sure it does no good。 e！ Give me your authority； like a dear good man。 For his daughter's sake； my dear Manette！'
Very strange to see what a struggle there was within him！ ‘In her name； then； let it be done； I sanction it。 But； I would not take it away while he was present。 Let it be removed when he is not there； let him miss his old panion after an absence。'
Mr。 Lorry readily engaged for that； and the conference was ended。 They passed the day in the country； and the Doctor was quite restored。 On the three following days he remained perfectly well； and on the fourteenth day he went away to join Lucie and her husband。 The precaution that had been taken to account for his silence； Mr。 Lorry had previously explained to him； and he had written to Lucie in accordance with it； and she had no suspicions。
On the night of the day on which he left the house； Mr。 Lorry went into his room with a chopper； saw； chisel； and hammer； attended by Miss Pross carrying a light。 There； with closed doors； and in a mysterious and guilty manner； Mr。 Lorry hacked the shoemaker's bench to pieces； while Miss Pross held the candle as if she were assisting at a murder……or which； indeed； in her grimness； she was no unsuitable figure。 The burning of the body （previously reduced to pieces convenient for the purpose） was menced without delay in the kitchen fire； and the tools； shoes； and leather； were buried in the garden。 So wicked do destruction and secrecy appear to honest minds； that Mr。 Lorry and Miss Pross； while enraged in the mission of their deed and in the removal of its traces； almost felt； and almost looked； like acplices in a horrible crime。
CHAPTER XX
A Plea
WHEN the newly…married pair came home； the first person who appeared； to offer his congratulations； was Sydney Carton。 They had not been at home many hours； when he presented himself。 He was not improved in habits； or in looks； or in manner； but there was a certain rugged air of fidelity about him； which was new to the observation of Charles Darnay。
He watched his opportunity of taking Darnay aside into a window； and of speaking to him when no one overheard。
‘Mr。 Darnay；' said Carton； ‘I wish we might be friends。'
‘We are already friends； I hope。'
‘You are good enough to say so； as a fashion of speech； hut； I don't mean any fashion of speech。 Indeed； when I say I wish we might be friends； I scarcely mean quite that； either。'
Charles Darnay……As was natural……Asked him； in all good…humour and good…fellowship； what he did mean？
‘Upon my life；' said Carton； smiling； ‘I find that easier to prehend in my own mind； than to convey to yours。 However； let me try。 You remember a certain famous occasion when I was more drunk than……than usual？'
‘I remember a certain famous occasion when you forced me to confess that you had been drinking。'
‘I remember it too。 The curse of those occasions is heavy upon me； for I always remember them。 I hope it may be taken into account one day； when all days are at an end for me！ Don't be alarmed； I am not going to preach。'
‘I am not at all alarmed。 Earnestness in you is anything but alarming to me。'
‘Ah！' said Carton； with a careless wave of his hand； as if he waved that away。 ‘On the drunken occasion in question （one of a large number； as you know）； I was insufferable about liking you； and not liking you。 I wish you would forget it。'
‘I forgot it long ago。'
‘Fashion of speech again！ But； Mr。 Darnay； oblivion is not so easy to me； as you represent it to be to you。 I have by no means forgotten it； and a light answer does not help me to forget it。'
‘If it was a light answer；' returned Darnay； ‘I beg your forgiveness for it。 I had no other object than to turn a slight thing； which； to my surprise； seems to trouble you too much； aside。 I declare to you on the faith of a gentleman； that I have long dismissed it from my mind。 Good Heaven； what was there to dismiss！ Have I had nothing more important to remember； in the great service you rendered me that day？'
‘As to the great service；' said Carton； ‘I am bound to avow to you； when you speak of it in that way； that it was mere professional claptrap。 I don't know that I cared what became of you； when I rendered It。……Mind！ I say when I rendered it； I am speaking of the past。'
‘You make light of the obligation；' returned Darnay； ‘but I will not quarrel with your light answer。'
‘Genuine truth； Mr。 Darnay； trust me！ I have gone aside from my purpose； I was speaking about our being friends。 Now； you know me； you know I am incapable of all the higher and better flights of men。 If you doubt it； ask Stryver； and he'll tell you so。'
‘I prefer to form my own opinion； without the aid of his。'
‘Well！ At any rate you know me as a dissolute dog who has never done any good； and never will。'
‘I don't know that you 〃never will。〃'
‘But I do； and you must take my word for it。 Well！ If you could endure to have such a worthless fellow； and a fellow of such indifferent reputation； ing and going at odd times； I should ask that I might be permitted to e and go as a privileged person here； that I might be regarded as an useless （and I would add； if it were not for the resemblance I detected between you and me）； an unornamental； piece of furniture； tolerated for its old service； and taken no notice of。 I doubt if I should abuse the permission。 It is a hundred to one if I should avail myself of it four times in a year。 It would satisfy me； I dare say； to know that I had it。'
‘Will you try？'
‘That is another way of saying that I am placed on the footing I have indicated。 I thank you； Darnay。 I may use that freedom with your name？'
‘I think so； Carton； by this time。'
They shook hands upon it； and Sydney turned away。 Within a minute afterwards； he was； to all outward appearance； as unsubstantial as ever。
When he has gone； and in the course of an evening passed with Miss Pross； the Doctor； and Mr。 Lorry； Charles Darnay made some mention of this conversation in general terms； and spoke of Sydney Carton as a problem of carelessness and recklessness。 He spoke of him； in short； not bitterly or meaning to bear hard upon him； but as anybody might who saw him as he showed himself。
He had no idea that this could dwell in the thoughts of his fair young wife； but； when he afterwards joined her in their own rooms； he found her waiting for him with the old pretty lifting of the forehead strongly marked。
‘We are thoughtful to…night！