om； and lay down on the sofa。
‘‘That’s how it always is；’’ thought his wife。 ‘‘He talks to everybody but not to me。 I see； I see that I am repulsive to him； especially in this condition。’’ She looked down at her high waist and then into the looking…glass at her sallow and sunken face； in which the eyes looked bigger than ever。
And everything jarred upon her： Denisov’s shout and guffaw and Natasha’s chatter； and above all the hasty glance Sonya stole at her。
Sonya was always the first excuse Countess Marya pitched on for her irritability。
After sitting a little while with her guests； not understanding a word they were saying； she slipped out and went to the nursery。
The children were sitting on chairs playing at driving to Moscow； and invited her to join them。 She sat down and played with them； but the thought of her husband and his causeless ill…temper worried her all the time。 She got up； and walked with difficulty on tiptoe to the little divan…room
‘‘Perhaps he is not asleep。 I will speak plainly to him；’’ she said to herself。 Andryusha； her elder boy； followed her on tiptoe； imitating her。 His mother did not notice him。
‘‘Dear Marie； I believe he is asleep； he was so tired；’’ said Sonya； meeting her in the next room （it seemed to Countess Marya that she was everywhere）。 ‘‘Andryusha had better not wake him。’’
Countess Marya looked round； saw Andryusha behind her； felt that Sonya was right； and for that very reason flushed angrily； and with evident difficulty restrained herself from a cruel retort。 She said nothing； and； so as not to obey her； let Andryusha follow her； but signed to him to be quiet； and went up to the door。 Sonya went out by the other door。 From the room where Nikolay was asleep； his wife could hear his even breathing； every tone of which was so familiar。 As she listened to it； she could see his smooth； handsome brow； his moustaches； the whole face she had so often gazed at in the stillness of the night when he was asleep。 Nikolay suddenly stirred and cleared his throat。 And at the same instant Andryusha shouted from the door； ‘‘Papa； mamma’s here！’’ His mother turned pale with dismay and made signs to the boy。 He was quiet； and there followed a terrible silence that lasted a minute。 She knew how Nikolay disliked being waked。 Suddenly she heard him stir and clear his throat again； and in a tone of displeasure he said：
‘‘I’m never given a moment’s peace。 Marie； is it you？ Why did you bring him here？’’
‘‘I only came to look … I did not see … I’m so sorry …’’
Nikolay coughed and said no more。 His wife went away； and took her son back to the nursery。 Five minutes later little； black…eyed； three…year…old Natasha； her father’s favourite； hearing from her brother that papa was asleep； and mamma in the next room； ran in to her father； unnoticed by her mother。
The black…eyed little girl boldly rattled at the door； and her fat； little feet ran with vigorous steps up to the sofa。 After examining the position of her father； who was asleep with his back to her； she stood on tiptoe and kissed the hand that lay under his head。 Nikolay turned round to her with a smile of tenderness on his face。
‘‘Natasha； Natasha！’’ he heard his wife whisper in dismay from the door。 ‘‘Papa is sleepy。’’
‘‘No； mamma； he isn’t sleepy；’’ little Natasha answered with conviction。 ‘‘He’s laughing。’’
Nikolay set his feet down； got up； and picked his little daughter up in his arms。
‘‘Come in； Masha；’’ he said to his wife。 She went in and sat down beside him。
‘‘I did not see him run in after me；’’ she said timidly。 ‘‘I just looked in …’’
Holding his little girl on one arm； Nikolay looked at his wife； and noticing her guilty expression； he put the other arm round her and kissed her on the hair。
‘‘May I kiss mamma？’’ he asked Natasha。 The little girl smiled demurely。 ‘‘Again；’’ she said； with a peremptory gesture； pointing to the spot where Nikolay had kissed her mother。
‘‘I don’t know why you should think I am cross；’’ said Nikolay； replying to the question which he knew was in his wife’s heart。
‘‘You can’t imagine how unhappy； how lonely； I am when you are like that。 It always seems to me …’’
‘‘Marie； hush； nonsense！ You ought to be ashamed；’’ he said gaily。
‘‘It seems to me that you can’t care for me； that I am so ugly … at all times； and now in this …’’
‘‘Oh； how absurd you are！ It’s not those who are handsome we love； but those we love who are handsome。 It is only Malvinas and such heroines who are loved because they are beautiful。 And do you suppose I love my wife？ Oh no； I don’t love you； but only … I don’t know how to tell you。 When you are away； and any misunderstanding like this comes between us； I feel as though I were lost； and can do nothing。 Why； do I love my finger？ I don’t love it； but only try cutting it off …’’
‘‘No； I don’t feel like that； but I understand。 Then you are not angry with me？’’
‘‘I am awfully angry！’’ he said； smiling； and getting up； and smoothing his hair； he began pacing up and down the room。
‘‘Do you know； Marie； what I have been thinking？’’ he began； beginning at once now that peace was made between them； thinking aloud before his wife。 He did not inquire whether she were disposed to listen； that did not matter to him。 An idea occurred to him； and so it must to her； too。 And he told her that he meant to persuade Pierre to stay with them till the spring。
Countess Marya listened to him； made some comments； and then in her turn began thinking her thoughts aloud。 Her thoughts were of the children。
‘‘How one can see the woman in her already；’’ she said in French； pointing to little Natasha。 ‘‘You reproach us women for being illogical。 You see in her our logic。 I say； papa is sleepy； and she says； no； he’s laughing。 And she is right；’’ said Countess Marya； smiling blissfully。
‘‘Yes； yes；’’ said Nikolay； lifting up his little girl in his strong arm； raised her high in the air； sat her on his shoulder； holding her little feet； and began walking up and down with her。 There was just the same look of thoughtless happiness on the faces of father and daughter。
‘‘But do you know； you may be unfair。 You are too fond of this one；’’ his wife whispered in French。
‘‘Yes； but what can I do？ … I try not to show it …’’
At that moment there was heard from the hall and the vestibule the sound of the block of the door； and footsteps； as though some one had arrived。
‘‘Somebody has come。’’
‘‘I am sure it is Pierre。 I will go and find out；’’ said Countess Marya； and she went out of the room。
While she was gone Nikolay allowed himself to gallop round the room with his little girl。 Panting for breath； he quickly lowered the laughing child； and hugged her to his breast。 His capers made him think of dancing； and looking at the childish； round； happy little face； he wondered what she would be like when he would be an old man； taking her out to dances； and he remembered how his father used to dance Daniel Cooper and the mazurka with his daughter。
‘‘It is he； it is he； Nikolay！’’ said Countess Marya； returning a few minutes later。 ‘‘Now our Natasha is herself again。 You should have seen her delight； and what a scolding he came in for at once for having out…stayed his time。 Come； let us go； make haste； come along！ You must part at last；’’ she said； smiling； as she looked at the little girl nestling up to her father。 Nikolay went out； holding his daughter by the hand。
Countess Marya lingered behind。
‘‘Never； never could I have believed；’’ she murmured to herself； ‘‘that one could be so happy。’’ Her face lighted up with a smile； but at the same moment she sighed； and a soft melancholy came into her thoughtful glance。 It was as though； apart from the happiness she was feeling there was another happiness unattainable in this life； which she could not help remembering at that moment。
Chapter 10
NATASHA was married in the early spring of 1813； and by 1820 she had three daughters and a son。 The latter had been eagerly desired； and she was now nursing him herself。 She had grown stouter and broader； so that it was hard to recognise in the robust…looking