other people， he is not on that account cold in his manner ， but capable
of inspiring and returning the warmest affection。 He appeared interested
in me on one occasion ， when I had to transact some business with him。
He perceived， at the first word， that we understood each other， and
that he could converse with me in a different tone from what he used with
others。 I cannot sufficiently esteem his frank and open kindness to me。
It is the greatest and most genuine of pleasures to observe a great mind
in sympathy with our own。
DECEMBER 24。 As I anticipated ， the ambassador occasions me infinite
annoyance。 He is the most punctilious blockhead under heaven。 He does
everything step by step ， with the trifling minuteness of an old woman
； and he is a man whom it is impossible to please， because he is never
pleased with himself。 I like to do business regularly and cheerfully，
and ， when it is finished， to leave it。 But he constantly returns my
papers to me， saying ， 〃They will do，〃 but remending me to look
over them again ， as 〃one may always improve by using a better word or
a more appropriate particle。〃 I then lose all patience， and wish myself
at the devil's。 Not a conjunction ， not an adverb， must be omitted：
he has a deadly antipathy to all those transpositions of which I am so
fond； and， if the music of our periods is not tuned to the established，
official key， he cannot prehend our meaning。 It is deplorable to be
connected with such a fellow。
My acquaintance with the Count C—— is the only pensation for
such an evil。 He told me frankly， the other day， that he was much displeased
with the difficulties and delays of the ambassador； that people like
him are obstacles ， both to themselves and to others。 〃But ，〃 added
he， 〃one must submit ， like a traveller who has to ascend a mountain
： if the mountain was not there， the road would be both shorter and
pleasanter； but there it is， and he must get over it。〃 The old man perceives
the count's partiality for me ： this annoys him， and， he seizes every
opportunity to depreciate the count in my hearing。 I naturally defend
him ， and that only makes matters worse。 Yesterday he made me indignant，
for he also alluded to me。 〃The count ，〃 he said ， 〃is a man of the
world ， and a good man of business ： his style is good， and he writes
with facility ； but， like other geniuses， he has no solid learning。〃
He looked at me with an expression that seemed to ask if I felt the blow。
But it did not produce the desired effect ： I despise a man who can think
and act in such a manner。 However ， I made a stand ， and answered with
not a little warmth。 The count， I said ， was a man entitled to respect，
alike for his character and his acquirements。 I had never met a person
whose mind was stored with more useful and extensive knowledge，—— who
had ， in fact， mastered such an infinite variety of subjects， and who
yet retained all his activity for the details of ordinary business。 This
was altogether beyond his prehension ； and I took my leave， lest
my anger should be too highly excited by some new absurdity of his。
And you are to blame for all this ， you who persuaded me to bend
my neck to this yoke by preaching a life of activity to me。 If the man
who plants vegetables ， and carries his corn to town on market…days，
is not more usefully employed than I am ， then let me work ten years
longer at the galleys to which I am now chained。
Oh， the brilliant wretchedness ， the weariness， that one is doomed
to witness among the silly people whom we meet in society here！ The ambition
of rank ！ How they watch ， how they toil， to gain precedence ！ What
poor and contemptible passions are displayed in their utter nakedness ！
We have a woman here， for example， who never ceases to entertain the
pany with accounts of her family and her estates。 Any stranger would
consider her a silly being， whose head was turned by her pretensions
to rank and property； but she is in reality even more ridiculous ， the
daughter of a mere magistrate's clerk from this neighbourhood。 I cannot
understand how human beings can so debase themselves。
Every day I observe more and more the folly of judging of others by
ourselves ； and I have so much trouble with myseif ， and my own heart
is in such constant agitation ， that I am well content to let others
pursue their own course ， if they only allow me the same privilege。
What provokes me most is the unhappy extent to which distinctions
of rank are carried。 I know perfectly well how necessary are inequalities
of condition， and I am sensible of the advantages I myself derive therefrom
； but I would not have these institutions prove a barrier to the small
chance of happiness which I may enjoy on this earth。
I have lately bee acquainted with a Miss B ——， a very agreeable
girl， who has retained her natural manners in the midst of artificial
life。 Our first conversation pleased us both equally； and， at taking
leave ， I requested permission to visit her。 She consented in so obliging
a manner， that I waited with impatience for the arrival of the happy
moment。 She is not a native of this place ， but resides here with her
aunt。 The countenance of the old lady is not prepossessing。 I paid her
much attention， addressing the greater part of my conversation to her
； and， in less than half an hour， I discovered what her niece subsequently
acknowledged to me， that her aged aunt ， having but a small fortune ，
and a still smaller share of understanding， enjoys no satisfaction except
in the pedigree of her ancestors， no protection save in her noble birth，
and no enjoyment but in looking from her castle over the heads of the
humble citizens。 She was， no doubt ， handsome in her youth， and in
her early years probably trifled away her time in rendering many a poor
youth the sport of her caprice： in her riper years she has submitted
to the yoke of a veteran officer， who， in return for her person and
her small independence， has spent with her what we may designate her
age of brass。 He is dead； and she is now a widow ， and deserted。 She
spends her iron age alone ， and would not be approached， except for
the loveliness of her niece。
JANUARY 8 ， 1772。 What beings are men， whose whole thoughts are
occupied with form and ceremony ， who for years together devote their
mental and physical exertions to the task of advancing themselves but
one step， and endeavouring to occupy a higher place at the table。 Not
that such persons would otherwise want employment ： on the contrary，
they give themselves much trouble by neglecting important business for
such petty trifles。 Last week a question of precedence arose at a sledging…party，
and all our amusement was spoiled。
The silly creatures cannot see that it is not place which constitutes
real greatness， since the man who occupies the first place but seldom
plays the principal part。 How many kings are governed by their ministers
—— how many ministers by their secretaries？ Who， in such cases， is
really the chief？ He ， as it seems to me， who can see through the others，
and possesses strength or skill enough to make their power or passions
subservient to the execution of his own designs。
JANUARY 20。 I must write to you from this place ， my dear Charlotte，
from a small room in a country inn， where I have taken shelter from a
severe storm。 During my whole residence in that wretched place D——，
where I lived amongst strangers ，—— strangers， indeed ， to this heart，
—— I never at any time felt the smallest inclination to correspond with
you ； but in this cottage， in this retirement ， in this solitude ，
with the snow and hail beating against my lattice…pane， you are my first
thought。 The instant I entered， your figure rose up before me， and the
remembrance ！ O my Charlotte ， the sacred ， tender remembrance ！ Gracious
Heaven！ restore to me the happy moment of our first acquaintance。
Could you but see me， my dear Charlotte， in the whirl of dissipation，
—— how my senses are dried u