ows to start cutting away the bandages。 And the title came： 〃The Blind Leading the Blind；〃 she said。
〃I don't like that；〃 Tammy said； already proprietorial。
〃Neither do I；〃 Maxine replied； thinking not just of the title； but of this whole； sprawling； exhausting mess。 〃Trust me； Tammy。 Neither do I。〃
Tammy Jayne Lauper lived on Elverta Road in Rio Linda； Sacramento； in a one…story ranch…style house fifteen minutes from the Sacramento International Airport； where her husband had worked for eight years as a baggage handler。 They had no kids； nor any hope of having any； this side of a miracle of Biblical proportions。 Arnie had a zero sperm count。 Tammy didn't mind much。 Just because God had given her breasts the size of watermelons didn't mean she was born for motherhood。 And of course the absence of children left plenty of space in the house for all the files relating to what Arnie sneeringly called Tammy's little 'fan club。'
〃It isn't a fan club；〃 Tammy had pointed out countless times； 〃it's an Appreciation Society。〃 Arnie said Tammy wasn't no appreciator； she was a fan； plain and simple； and he knew every time they'd used to sleep together and she closed her eyes it was that dickhead Pickett she'd been imagining on top of her fat ass； and that was the whole unvarnished truth of it。 When Arnie got to talking like that； Tammy would just tune him out。 He'd stop eventually； when he knew he she wasn't listening； go back to sitting in front of the TV with a beer。
The main center of the Todd Pickett Appreciation Society's operations was the front bedroom。 The room she and Arnie slept in was considerably smaller； but as she'd pointed out to him； it didn't really matter since all they did was sleep in it。 They still had a double bed； though God knows why； he never touched her； and a couple of years back she'd stopped wanting him to。 The third bedroom （and all the closets）； were used for storage： files of clippings； issues of the fanzine （quarterly for the first year； then monthly； now quarterly again）； photographs and biographies to be distributed to new members； copies of press kits from every film Todd had ever made； in twenty…six languages。 Downstairs； in what would have been the family room； she kept the Collection。 This was made up of items related to Todd and his career； all of them relatively rare； some one…of…a…kind items。 Hanging in zipped…up plastic laundry bags were articles of clothing made for the cast and crew of his pictures。 On the mantelpiece； still sealed in their boxes were six Todd Pickett dolls that had been the hot thing to own during his teen…idol period； the boxes signed by Todd。 Preserved in a vacuum pack were several unused latex makeup pieces for his Oscar…nominated performance as the maimed firefighter in The Burning Year。 She didn't ever look at those。 She'd been warned that they deteriorated when they were exposed to sunlight。
The collection also contained a prehensive library of scripts for his movies； with all their addenda； including one marked up in Todd's handwriting； along with a plete set of novelizations of the movies； leather…bound with gilt lettering。 There were also credit…listings on all the crews who worked with him； costume sketches and call…sheets； and of course； posters of every size and nationality。 If the Smithsonian ever wanted to open a wing dedicated to the life and career of Todd Pickett； Tammy had once boasted； they need look no further than her front room。 Once； she'd attempted to enumerate the items she owned。 It was something in the region of seventeen thousand three hundred； not including those pieces of which she had more than one copy。
It was to this shrine that Tammy had e after her frustrating exchange with Maxine Frizelle。 She closed and locked the door （though Arnie would not be back from work and his after…hours carousing for several hours）； and sat down to think。 After a few minutes； turning over the conversation she'd just had； she went to the very back of the room； and took from its place amongst the treasure…trove a box of photographs。 These were her special pride and joy： pictures of Todd （fourteen of them in all） which she'd managed to buy from somebody who'd known the still photographer on Todd's fourth picture； Life Lessons。 This was Todd's ing…of…age picture： the one in which he'd changed from being a Boy to being a Man。 Of course； his smile would always be a boy's smile； that was part of its magic； but after Life Lessons he went on to play tougher roles： a homeing soldier； a firelighter； a man wrongfully accused of his own wife's murder。 Here then； caught in the moment before his cinematic adulthood； was the boy…man of Tammy's dreams。 She had even purchased the negatives from which the series of pictures had been printed； and along with them the assurance from the person she'd got them from that they had been 'lost' in the production offices before they were ever seen by the director； the producer or by Todd himself。 In short； she had the only copies。
Their rarity wasn't the reason she valued them so highly however。 What made them her special treasure…the quality that made her return to them over and over； when Arnie was out at work； and she knew she had time for reverie…was the fact that the photographer had caught his subject unawares。 Well； shirtless and unawares。 Todd was sleek and pale； his body not heavy at all； not all muscle and veins popping out； just a nice； ordinary body； the body of the boy next door if the boy next door happened to be perfect。 She had never seen a body she thought so beautiful。 Then there was his face。 Oh that face！ She'd seen literally thousands of photographs of Todd in the last eleven years…and to her adoring eyes he was handsome in every single one of them…but in these particular pictures he was something more than handsome。 There was a certain lost look in his eyes； that allowed her to indulge the belief that if she'd been there at that moment…if he'd seen her and looked at her with the same forsaken feeling in his heart as was in his eyes…everything in her life would have been different； and maybe； just maybe； everything in his。
When she was thinking clearly； she knew all this was romantic nonsense。 She was a plain woman； and； even though she'd shed thirty…two pounds in the last two years； was still thirty overweight。 How could she hope to pare with the glossy beauties Todd had romanced； both on screen and off？ Still she allowed herself the indulgence； once in a while。 It made life in Sacramento a little more bearable to know that her secret glimpses of Todd were always there； hidden away； waiting for her。 And best of all； nobody else had them。 They were hers and hers alone。
There was one other wonderful thing about the fourteen pictures： they had been snapped in such quick succession that if she leafed through them fast enough she could almost create the illusion of movement。 She did that now； while she thought about the way Maxine had talked to her on the phone。 That nonsense about Todd going away to write his life story； or whatever she'd said it was going to be； it didn't ring true。 It simply wasn't like Todd to be so inaccessible。 Every vacation he'd taken…in India； in New Guinea； in the Amazon； for God's sake…he'd been spotted。 Somebody had had a camera； and he'd posed； smiled； waved； goofed around。 It just wasn't like him to disappear like this。
But what could she do about it？ She wasn't going to get any answers out of anybody close to Todd： they'd all trot out the same story。 She'd already exhausted her contacts at the studios； all of whom claimed not to have seen Todd in a while。 Even over at Paramount； where he was supposedly making his next picture； nobody had seen him in many months。 Nor； according to her most reliable source over there； the secretary to Sherry Lansing's assistant； were there any meetings on the books； either with Todd or any of his production team。 It was all very strange； and it made Tammy afraid for her man。 Suppose they were covering something up？ Suppose there'd been an accident； or an assault； and Todd had been hurt？ Suppose he was in a hospital bed somewhere on life…support； his life slipping away； while all the sons of bitches who'd made fortunes off hi