of long johns from October 15th to May 15th； and who didn't take a bath until the Fourth of July。 And yet； as far as husbands were concerned； every one of these men would make a better husband than I would。 As a woman； she was entitled to a home and children and a husband who stayed with her at all times。
I had provided Mary Elizabeth with eight years of nothing。 A quickly scrawled line on the back of a picture postcard； and on one of my rare； unscheduled visits； a quick jump in a woodland glen。 To make matters worse； I hadn't even talked to her on my last two visits。 But I had never been able to talk to her anyway。 She had consistently resisted every explanation I had tried to give her concerning my way of life and had never consented to share it with me。 Perhaps I could write her a letter； a really good letter this time； a letter that would make her think？
This year was going to be my year。 I could sense it； and my new partnership with Omar was the turning point in my run of ill fortune。 I knew this。 My prospects had been as good before； but they had never been any better。 I couldn't continue through life silent and alone； and I couldn't keep Mary Elizabeth dangling on a thread…the thread would break； and both of us would be lost。 If there was to be a break； it would have to be now…Her way or My way…and she could make the choice！
I sat down at the table to write Mary Elizabeth a letter：
Dearest Darling；
I love you！ How inadequate are written words to tell you of my feelings！ To be with you and yet to be unable to speak； to tell you again and again that I love you is unbearable。 To leave without saying good…bye； as I did； hurt me more than you can ever know。 And yet； I had to leave silently； like a thief in the night。 If I had written you a note with a bare 〃Good…bye；〃 you would have rightfully demanded an explanation I couldn't give because I couldn't speak！ But an explanation is due； my… Love； and on the blankness of this page 1 shall attempt the impossible。 Never； never doubt my love！
First； I was home to obtain my rightfully owned property。 You know this now； of course； because your brother bought my farmhouse and land from me。 What you don't know is that Judge Powell was instructed to sell only to Wright。 Whether 1 was right or wrong in turning Randall out of his home depends upon how you want to look at it。 In the Holy Bible the eldest son gets the inheritance of his father； as you know。 In the eyes of the Lord； and I recognize no other Master； I was right。 But even so； I only sold my land because I had to。
For ten years my goal has been to be the best cockfighter in the United States。 Several； not many； times I've tried to explain cockfighting and my ambitions to you； but you have never listened。 Read this； now； and then decide。 Our future happiness； yours and mine； depends upon your decision。 Closing your ears to all rational argument； you have always said that cockfighting was cruel and therefore wrong。 But you have never SEEN a cockfight； and you said that you never intended to。 At last I say you must！
The only way that you can find out that cockfighting is not a cruel sport is to see for yourself。 I am now engaged in my very last try to reach the top。 To continue fighting year after year without success is no longer possible。 If I don't win the two…day Milled geville Tourney this year； I promise you that I'll quit forever！ We will be married immediately； and I'll enter any profession or endeavor YOU decide upon！
However； if I do win； and I want you physically present at the Milledgeville pit； win or lose； I intend to follow cockfighting as a full…time profession for the rest of my natural life。 If you can accept this way of life； we will get married immediately and go to Puerto Rico on our honeymoon。
The remaining alternative； of course； is to tear this letter to bits and put me out of your mind and life forever。 If this latter course is your decision； I'll abide by it； and I'll never； I promise； write or see you again； but my heart will be pletely broken！
Don't write and tell me what your decision is。 If you do write； I won't open your letters。 Two seats will be reserved in your name at the Milledgeville Tourney （bring your brother if you like） from March 15 to March 16。 I won't write again； and will pray daily to the good Lord above that you will TRY…and please let your heart decide…to be there at Milled geville。
I love you。 I always have and always will！
Frank
I read the letter twice before sealing it into an envelope； and I thought it was a damned good letter。 The little religious touches were particularly well done； and so was the part about going to Puerto Rico for our honeymoon。 There are many luxury hotels in San Juan； and March is a good time to see slasher fights at the Valla Piedros。 The pit opens daily at two p。m。 and the cockfights are continuous until the cocktail hour。 After dinner we could hit the casinos； shoot craps or even play a little blackjack。
Of course； there was always the chance that Omar and I wouldn't win the tourney。 With ten entries scheduled； a lot of things could happen； but the main idea of the letter was to ensure Mary Elizabeth's physical presence at the pit。 Once she saw for herself how well organized the tourney was； and how fair the pit decisions were； I was positive she would like the sport。 A lot of ministers follow cockfighting zealously without conflict with their religious beliefs。 After all； the cock that crowed after Peter denied Jesus Christ thrice was a gamecock！ That was right in the Bible and a damned good point。
I considered rewriting the letter and mentioning this fact to Mary Elizabeth； but it was too late。 I had already sealed the envelope。 A better idea； perhaps； would be to introduce her to a couple of the ministers who attended the Mifiedgeville Tourney every year and let them talk to her。 I knew little about the Bible and hadn't read any scripture in fifteen years； maybe more。
Suppose she didn't show up？ My stomach tightened at the thought。 I had to risk it。 If she couldn't see my side of things after reading a letter like that； there was no hope left for the two of us anyway。 Feeling better about our relationship than I had in months； I picked up the guitar again and strummed it gently； enjoying the amplified sounds。
The tablet was still on the table； and I decided to write Bernice Hungerford a letter。 She was entitled to a thankyou note after giving me such an expensive gift。 A letter was the least I could do。 Perhaps Bernice would like to see the tournament？ She thought I was some kind of modernday minstrel。 What a terrific surprise it would be for her to learn that I was a professional cockfighter！
Dear Bernice：
What a wonderful surprise； what a wonderful guitar！ There is only ONE way you could have pleased me more； and I intend to get into that later。 This may e as a shock to you； but I'm a professional cockfighter； not a musician。 For the next few months I'll be out on the circuit and won't be able to see you； but two seats will be reserved for you at the Milled geville； Georgia； S。C。 T； March l5…16。 Please e。 Bring your nephew； Tommy； along to keep you pany； because I'll be too busy during the meet to sit with you。 I know it's a long time off and I don't know how I'll be able to wait that long without seeing you again； but I must。
I have reason to hope that my voice will e back within the next few months。 A letter is not the best way to tell you how I feel about you…I would prefer to tell you in person； whispering into your pretty ear！ Perhaps I've written too much already； but you should have a FAIR idea of how I feel about you。 All my love…till March 15。
Frank
P。S。 The Milled geville pit is north of town。 Check at any gas station in town for directions。
After sealing and addressing the envelope to Bernice； it occurred to me that she might not know anything about cockfighting or what the initials S。C。T。 stood for…most of the people in the U。S。 thought that because cockfighting was illegal it had been abolished。 I should have spelled it out in detail； I supposed。 But if she mad