e and his heart。 He also talks big； but I was around when the hate…mail started ing in from General Hecksler； and those letters made Herb small in a hurry。 The way he looked on Wednesday； actually； when John suggested that； all evidence to the contrary； General Hecksler STILL might not be dead。
〃You've been screwing Riddley；〃 Herb said。 This was probably supposed to e out sounding like the accusation of an Old Testament prophet； but it emerged in an unimpressive dry squawk。 He was still standing just inside the door； his hands opening and closing。 With his green leisure suit and red face； he looked like an advertisement for Christmas in hell。 〃You've been screwing the goddamned JANITOR！〃
Last week that might have put me off my stride； but things around here have changed since last week。 I think the New Order will take some getting used to。 What I'm talking about is TELEPATHY； my dear little journal。 Of course。 ESP。 Absolutely。 MIND READING。 No doubt about it。 In other words； I knew what was on Herb's mind from the moment he stepped through my door； and that pretty well did away with the shock value。
〃Why don't you say the rest of it？〃 I asked。
〃I have no idea what you're talking about。〃 Going into that patented Herb Porter bluster of his。
〃Yeah； you do；〃 I said。 〃That I'm fucking the janitor bothers you a lot less than the fact I'm fucking the BLACK janitor。 The HANDSOME black janitor。〃
From the first fuck。 I had him on the run。 I should be ashamed to tell you how much I enjoyed it； but I'm not。
〃The fact is； Herbert；〃 said I； 〃he's hung like a stallion。 Such equipment is not the sole property of black men； racist canards to the contrary； but few men； white or black； know how to use what God and genetics have given them。 Riddley does。 And he's livened up many a dull day in this dump； believe me。〃
〃You can't。 。 。 I won't。 。 。 he isn't。 。 。 〃 Then he just spluttered。 But； thanks； to the aforementioned New Order at good old Zenith House； there are no more ellipses around here。 For better or worse； every thought is finished。 What I could not hear with my ears I could hear in my mind。
You can't。 。 。 DO THIS！
I won't。 。 。 ALLOW IT！
He isn't。 。 。 OUR KIND OF PERSON！
As if Herb Porter； the Ranting Republican； was MY type of person。 （He is； of course； in some important ways： a。 he's an editor b。 he loves books c。 he is sharing the bizarre experience of Life With Ivy。）
〃Herb；〃 I said。
〃What if you catch a disease？〃 expostulated Herb。 〃What if he talks about you to his friends； when they're sitting on their stoops and drinking their GIQs？〃
〃Herb；〃 I said。
〃What if he's got a drug habit？ Friends who are criminals？ What if。 。 。 〃
And there was something sweet at the end of that ellipsis； something that made my heart melt a little。 For a racist blowhard Republican； Herb Porter really isn't a bad guy。
What if。 。 。 HE'S MEAN TO YOU？
That was how the last ellipsis ended； and after that Herb just stood there with his shoulders slumped； looking at me。
〃e here；〃 I said； and patted the chair behind my desk。 I had about a billion rotten jokes about dead babies； nympho nuns； and stupid Europeans to go through （〃Polish Public Service Announcement： It's ten o'clock！ Do you know what time it is？〃）； but I felt very close to Herb just then。 I know how strange that would sound to John； who probably thinks Herb Porter is from another world （Planet Reagan）； but Herb isn't。 Herb Porter is just one more fucked…up Earthling。
Know what I really think？ I think telepathy changes everything。
Simply EVERYTHING。
〃Listen to me；〃 said I。 〃The first thing is that Riddley is more likely to catch something from me than me from him。 He's the healthiest person in this office； that's my guess。 Certainly he's in the best shape。 The second thing is that he's more like us than you think。 He's working on a book。 I know because I saw one of his notebooks one day。 It was on his desk； and I peeked。〃
〃Impossible！〃 Herb snapped。 〃The idea of the JANITOR writing a BOOK。 。 。 especially the janitor in THIS PLACE。 。 。！〃
〃The third thing is that I doubt very much if he sits on his stoop； drinking GIQs with his friends。 Riddley has a wonderful little apartment in Dobbs Ferry； I had the privilege of being there once； and I don't think they're much for drinking on stoops in that neighborhood。〃
〃I believe Riddley's Dobbs Ferry address is a convenient fiction；〃 said Herb in his most pompous oh…dear…I…seem…to…have…a…stick…up…my…ass voice。 〃If he took you to a place up there； I doubt like hell it was HIS place。 As for the supposed book； how would a novel by Riddley Walker start？ 'e on ovah heah； I'se gwineter tell y'all a story？'〃
An extremely hateful thing to say； but with almost no sting in it。 Thanks to Zenith； whose soothing atmosphere now absolutely pervades our offices； I knew that what Herb really felt just then was stunned surprise。 。 。 and； inadequacy。 I think that his subconscious mind has been aware for a long time that there's more to Riddley than meets the eye。 I also have reason to believe that Herb and inadequacy go together like a horse and carriage； as the song says。 At least until yesterday。 That's the part I'm getting to。
〃The last thing is this；〃 said I （as gently as I could）。 〃If Riddley is mean to me； I will have to deal with it。 And I can。 I have before。 I'm not a child； Herb。 I'm a grown woman。〃 And then I added： 〃I also know that you've been ing in here when I'm elsewhere and sniffing the seat of my chair。 I really think that ought to stop； don't you？〃
All the color fell out of his face； and for one moment I thought he was going to faint。 I have an idea the telepathy may have saved him。 Just as I knew what he'd e in to accuse me of； he knew…if only a few seconds in advance…that I'm now aware of his little hobby。 So what I said didn't e to him out of a pletely clear blue sky。
He started to puff up again； a little of the color came back into his face。 。 。 and then he just wilted。 It made me feel bad for him。 When guys like Herb Porter wilt； they are not a pretty sight。 Think jellyfish washed up on the beach。
〃I'm sorry；〃 he said； and turned to go。 〃I'm very sorry。 I've known for some time that I have。 。 。 certain problems。 I suppose it's time for me to seek professional help。 I'll stay out of your way as much as possible in the meantime； and I'd thank you to stay out of mine。〃
〃Herb；〃 said I。
He had one hand on the doorknob。 He didn't leave； but he didn't turn around； either。 I sensed both hope and dread。 God knows what he sensed ing from me。
〃Herb；〃 said I once more。
Nothing。 Poor Herb just standing there with his shoulders hunched almost up to his ears and me knowing he was trying his hardest not to cry。 People who make their living reading and writing are a lot of things； but immune to shame is not one of them。
〃Turn around；〃 said I。
Herb stood as he was a moment longer； gathering himself for the ordeal； and then he did as I asked。 Instead of being flushed or pale all over his face； he had popped three spots as bright as rouge； one in each cheek and another running across his forehead in a thick line。
〃We've got a lot of work to do around here；〃 said I； 〃and it won't help to have this between us。〃 I was speaking in my calmest； most reasonable voice； but I would be lying if I didn't say I also felt a pleasantly nasty tickle of excitement in my stomach。 I have a pretty good idea of what Riddley thinks of me； and while he's not entirely right； he's not entirely wrong； either； I admit to certain rather low tastes。 Well； so what？ Some people eat tripe for breakfast。 And all I can do here is stick to the facts。 One of them is this： something about Sandra Georgette Jackson turned Herb on enough to inspire a number of covert seat…sniffing expeditions。 And that has turned me on。 Until yesterday I never thought of myself as the Eula Varner type； but。 。 。
〃What are you talking about？〃 asked Herb gruffly； but those spots of red were spreading； flushing away his pallor。 He knew perfectly well what I was talking about。 We might as well have been wearing signs around our necks reading CAUTION！ TELEPA