ay with promises burning hi her eyes。 So I always returned； richly laden and eager。 This time； I would think； she'll fall into my arms and beg me to carry her away like that brave captain in the song。 That moment never came。 Because as sure as the sun king lashes his chariot into motion each dawn； the next greeting would be as cold as a slave seller's heart。
This went on for month after humiliating month。 I became pale and thin in the fevered pursuit。 When I slept； the sleep was so troubled that I awakened as exhausted as before。 It was in that time that I began to have a strange dream。 A nightmare that came with increasing frequency as the days of my obsession passed。 Even now as I recall it to write these lines hi this journal； the dream leaps to life； leaving me as shaken as it did so long ago。
But I swore I'd tell this tale。 And tell it all； despite any pain I might relive 。。。
I was not fettered； but rose when he beckoned as if I wore manacles and he was the keeper at the end of the chain。 I stepped awkwardly across the boat's thwarts and then lunged up onto the slime…thick dock carved from living stone。 My feet dragged； as my mind screamed： Strike out。 You cannot go up those stairs。 You must not。
The water beside the boat was thick； heaving； a dark； viscous substance。 I could hear the hiss of the great river beyond as it rushed through the black gorge the boatman had brought us through。 I could also hear baying。 It came from above； from the ruined； cursed city on the gorge's plateau。 It was not the howling of jackals； or even direwolves。 Far above； far outside this river…dug cavern； in the city； in the shattered amphitheater； in the gods…hammered stones； the creatures sat in patient rings。 Up there in the moonless night； those creatures that bayed like hounds bore no semblance to anything seen on this earth。 The thought came that they might have been men； once。 Men who had struck a dark bargain。
The boatman took one of the torches that guttered on either side of the arched stairway and beckoned once again。 In the flare of the burning pitch I saw his arm clearly； muscles flexing； jumping： an arm that was twisted like an olive tree that had fought its way up to sunlight through arid stone。 But there was no sunlight in his world。 I knew his body's contortions had e from the rack； from the fire…hot rod。 He turned； satisfied that I was following； and went up the worn stone steps； steps that many had stumbled up； crying aloud in their pain。 But no one had ever e down again。 No one but the masters。 Or this man or his rades。
I knew this。 I knew not how。
He wore only black breeches。 On his back I could see the marks of the lash； old and new。 I knew he prided himself on those lash scars。 On my own back wounds throbbed and I felt the searing； shame； struggle and moment of pride not yet yielding。
I； too； had been tortured。
Somewhere above； someone was waiting。 A great drum began； its boom drowning the dark howls from the ruins on the midnight plateau above。
The steps ended。
We entered in a great chamber； stone arches lifting into blackness。 A king's weling chamber。 It was empty； except for the man and myself。 He beckoned once more。 I heard the shatter of a cymbal； perhaps only in my mind； as I stared full into his face。 It was riven by a thousand sins； a thousand eagerly sought pains。 His nose had been broken； then broken again before it had healed。 His lips had been shaved away； and his ears were cropped。 His face was sliced by a smile； crooked； black teeth leering。 One eye gleamed black。 The other was a gaping socket。 But something moved within that socket。 A tiny red； writhing fire。 A fire that saw more than the solitary eye that peered at me。
〃Yes； Amalric； my prey； my enemy； my friend； my reward； his intended partner and ambition；〃 said his voice。 〃We are almost there。 This is what you wanted。 This is your weird。 This is what your brother could not embrace。 e 。。。 e 。。。 It has been too long and He is waiting。〃
He laughed； and the laugh was joined by a great boom from the darkness； from beyond。 That roar came from someone who could find no pleasure except in lashing pain。 It rose； echoing the now mad baying from the nightmares in the damned city beyond； then it buried their joy and became its own cacophony。
I smiled and walked forward； my arms open； weling the dark radeship to e。
I awoke； trembling and perspiring； more exhausted than when I had e to my bed。 At first I feared the dream might be an omen or a curse in repayment for my obsession with Melina。 But to accept this； I would have needed to confront myself and see the folly of my ways。 So each time it returned I pushed the dream from my mind and fell to scheming once again for money or presents for Melina。
Finally； the day of reckoning came。 Spurned by my friends； mocked by my enemies； and in danger of being disowned by my father； I sat in my room reviewing the meager possessions yet unsold。 I was to see Melina that night。 One of her slaves had brought the invitation to my house。 She had written at the bottom of the card in her own； dear hand： e early； my love。 So we might steal a few precious moments alone。 Hope burned blight in my breast and my loins； then dimmed as I realized I had nothing of value to sell for her giftprice。 I thought of rushing to the river and throwing myself to the demon of the currents。
I seriously considered creeping into my father's strong room and stealing the gold that would be required。 Then I was appalled for even thinking such a thing。 To steal from my father？ What devil has possessed you； Amalric？ How could you have allowed events to e to such a pass？ This must stop。 This must end。 Besides； what if she spurns me once more； after I steal from the man who gave me life and was so generous and understanding of such a useless son？ It would be impossible to bear。
But I must have her； I thought。 I must make her mine； Yes 。。。 but； how？ An evil plan rose。 It disgusted me to even think it and I hurled it away and flung myself onto the bed where I buried my head from the betraying light that streamed in from the balcony。
A bird cried outside； and I swore it called； 〃Melina ；。 。 Me…lina 。。。 Melina。〃 The evil idea crept in again。 If I could borrow enough money； I knew of dark places in Orissa where it was reputed that certain potions and spells could be purchased； with no questions asked and without the chit of permission from an Evocator。 I would buy a love spell。
I understood this was not only evil but illegal； as well。 I knew very well it was strictly forbidden to give a love potion to a he…taera。 The whole courtesans' guild system might collapse； making a mockery of the sanctity of Butala。 The penalties prescribed by the Council of Evocators started with dismemberment and grew quickly worse。 And you will shame your family； I thought。 Think of the terrible shadow your family akeady suffers under for angering the Evocators once before。 Think of the awful disappointment for your father。
I tried。 I really did。 But all I could think of was Melina's lips and breasts and thighs that had been denied me so long。 These hot thoughts were further fueled by the vow I had taken after our first meeting。 I had been with no other woman since that time。
Lust won the toss。 Risking life and my family's honor； I rushed out to put my plan into action。
CHAPTER TWO
Janos Greycloak
BY DUSK I was pacing back and forth outside Melina's door。 I had a bottle of spirits in my pocket； spiked with a black…market love potion； its guaranteed enchantment was fixed in my mind。 I was waiting for dark 。。。 and courage。 The moon was a sliver over the tenement when I saw Leego exit the building and stroll off； whistling a merry tune。 I knew he'd be ensconced in his favorite tavern for some hours。 A few moments later I was up the stairs； pulling on the bell chain； and then a servant was leading me to Melina's bedchamber。
〃It is your redheaded slave； my fair Melina；〃 I sang out as I entered； my voice as bold as you please； despite the frantic beating of my heart。
〃Oh； my dear； dear Amalric；〃 she said when she spied me。 Her face was so dazzling when she greeted me； I thought perhaps I had been a fool to think I ne