d what he had suffered。 But as intent as I had been on instantly gathering up an expedition and retracing our footsteps； now that I was home； my heart did not yearn so deeply for the Far Kingdoms。 With my father ill； and considering the mild nature of my brothers； it was up to me to shoulder the burdens of the Antero family fortunes。 My brothers had no grounds for quarrel when he made known that I was his choice to head the family。 The acclaim I had won for my Finding had removed much of the stain from the Antero name； or at least made it unwise to attack us。
Oh； yes； there was one other thing 。。。 Deoce。 She delighted my father； and he was always making excuses to call her into his pany。 Although his health continued to fail； you would have thought he was young again when she came into his room。 No wonder； for she joked and flirted with him mercilessly。 To this day I am certain her attentions added to what little time he had remaining。 She also held Rali in her thrall…bursting onto the practice field at a moment's notice； asking to learn new tricks of arms； and giving more than a few of her own。
〃There isn't a woman in my Guard who wouldn't fight you for her；〃 Rali told me。 〃The only thing holding them back is that the dear woman is so obviously headlong in love with you。〃
Our wedding was by necessity a small affair。 My new fame would have made any kind of guest list a recipe for insult if it went beyond immediate family。 So we planned a simple ceremony at the villa； overseen by our hearthgod。 At first； I was concerned Deoce would feel slighted。
〃Why should I feel insult？〃 She shrugged when I asked。 〃Among Salcae； the marriage is more important than the wedding itself。 The truly big feast is held after the couple has survived one plete harvest cycle； every harvest after that； the celebrations get even larger。 I think the reverse is so in Orissa because women have little say in your city。 So； the wedding ceremony is a poor bone to throw to the girl when she faces a life of servitude。 It is practically the only moment in her life when she is the center of everyone's attention； important above all others。〃 I couldn't quarrel； for hadn't I heard…Rali bitterly plain about similar injustices？
Deoce took my hand and laid it gently on her belly； which was slightly swollen with our child。 We knew it was going to be a girl； because Rali asked the witch who tended her troop's minor troubles to case a divining spell。 I laughed when I felt her kick。
〃What shall we name her？〃 I asked。
〃We should honor your mother； and mine as well；〃 Deoce answered。 〃We should call her Emilie； after your mother's clan。 And Ireena after my mother。〃
〃Consider her named； then。 Emilie Ireena Antero 。。。 I like that。〃
〃I want you to promise me something； Amalric；〃 my bride…to…be asked。
〃Anything。〃
〃I don't want our daughter to be raised thinking women must behave as they do in Orissa。 You can feel from her kick she is going to be a strong…willed child。 And at night； when all is very quiet； I can hear her little heart beating。 It is a sensitive heart； Amalric； and please believe me when I tell you I know this； although she and I have yet to meet。〃
〃I will hire the best tutors；〃 I said。 〃And we have Rah' to teach by example； as well as training。〃
〃That isn't enough；〃 Deoce answered。 〃Emilie will see other women shuffle about； ducking their heads in men's pany； feeling less worthy because they do not have a cock and set of balls； suffering instead with a function so lowly as only to be the source of all human life。〃
〃What promise can I make to prevent this？〃 I asked。
〃I want my mother to help raise her〃 was her answer。 I was alarmed； for what father would wish to have his child removed from his sight？ She saw this and gripped my hand hard。 〃Please； you must do this for me。 If you say no； I will accept it； not as a dutiful Orissan wife； for this I can never be； but because I love you； my Amalric。 No child can ever be more important than that love。 I don't mean she should be sent away； for I could not bear that any more than you。 I mean； in three years' time…before bad influences can alter her； Emilie Ireena must visit long with my mother until after the rites of womanhood； when she is sixteen。 After that； only personal weakness can affect her thinking。 And I promise you； my Amalric； this child will not be weak headed。〃
The more I thought about it； the more I agreed with what Deoce had to say。 I was even enthusiastic； seeing the whole thing as a grand； modern experiment： two cultures joining to produce a perfect child； a golden child。 I made a formal promise； and afterward we clung to one another as tight as two lovers can cling。 I felt her hand slip down along my bare thighs。 She cupped me in her hand and bent down to nuzzle and kiss the thick muscle she found there。 Then she looked up； dark hair streaming over her face； eyes lighted up with fun。 〃After all that man…versus…woman talk；〃 she whispered； 〃I'd better make sure they don't get their feelings hurt。〃 And then she proceeded to soothe them with her hot mouth。
We were wed one week later。 My father was too weak to do more than sit in his chair and weep tears of joy。 Rali stood in for him； cutting the lamb's throat and letting the blood flow into the god's offering bowl。 Janos took the part of Deoce's brother； anointing our brows with the lamb's blood。 When it was done； we feasted； and everyone made merry for three more days。
Just before Deoce and I left on our wedding journey； my father died。 I like to think he died a happy man： his errant son had proven worth； a triumph had been won for the family he left behind； and the dream of his youth had e true。 However； as I contemplate his feelings and sift for the words I am placing in this journal； I cannot help but remember what Janos said on the Pepper Coast： how my father was a better man than Janos because he would be satisfied if his son acplished what had been denied him。 My father was a good man； and certainly a better man than either Janos； or myself。 But； alas； he was not perfect； and only a perfect man would have died in happiness。 Not when it was plain that after the Far Kingdoms； the world he knew would never be the same。
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The Second Expedition
IT is NO boast that the funeral for Paphos Karima Antero was one of the largest in our city's history。 So many clamored to attend； the Magistrates ordered the Great Amphitheater opened for the viewing of the pyre。 Then all Orissa turned out for the long procession downriver to the Groves of the Wayfarers； where we made sacrifice to Te…Date and I scattered my father's ashes to the winds。
Everyone； myself included； was surprised at just how popular a figure my father was。 He was by nature a quiet man who shunned honors and large pany。 But as I mentioned earlier in this journal； he had an uncanny ability to sniff out a deserving man's misfortune and do his utmost to ease that man's pain。 He also had a way of conducting his business； so when he came the better of a bargain； he also did not win his opponent's ire。 That his great popularity had never evinced itself publicly； however； I can only lay at the feet of the Evocators and the wrong they did Halab； another part of the silent price my family paid for that wrong。 Now； however； with my victory so recent； no one feared to display their affection。 This time the fear was entirely on the other side； for the panoply of the funeral echoed long after the breeze carried away the last of my father's ashes。 Powerful men began striking new bargains； seeking new alliances； the dissension carried into the ranks of the Evocators themselves。
My father's funeral； with all the weeping； hair tearing； and pompous speeches； was an important sideshow to the intense debate that gripped Orissa。 The focus of that debate was the second expedition 。。。 and Janos Greycloak。 None of us realized how great an impact the Far Kingdoms had on our lives。 Suddenly all the old ways had been called into question。 People from the highest on high to the meanest slave believed they deserved a stake in what was to e。 All of them wanted change and wanted it now。 For the mon man and woman； for tinkerer； soldier； and slave； for the y