ratlike man； eyed me suspiciously。 〃Wine； my good man；〃 I croaked。 〃No water。 Better still； forget the wine。 Make it brandy。〃
〃Get a coin up first； young sir；〃 the tavernkeep snarled。 〃I'll not be cheated by one of your kind again。〃
Impatiently I reached into my pocket； then realized my purse was gone。 The tavernkeep nodded； knowing。 His hand reached for a club beneath the counter。 I tore a button off my jerkin。 It was of fine； worked bone from a distant port and valuable enough to buy a good share of the tavern。 〃Take it out of this；〃 I said。
I sensed a presence bulking near。 I turned to see one of the soldiers； a sergeant； I noted from his rank badge。 He was an older man； with an honest face。 He seemed worried。 〃Would you like to e and drink with us； gentle sir？〃 he asked。 〃A bit of pany is a good thing in a place like this。〃 He nodded at the toughs scattered about the room。
〃I thank you kindly；〃 I answered； 〃but I really prefer to be alone。 I have 。。。 difficulties to consider。〃
He looked at my ruined clothes； guessing at the nature of my difficulties。 〃I hope no one was injured；〃 he said。
〃Only my pride； sergeant；〃 I assured him。 I motioned to the tavernkeep。 〃Buy these worthy men a drink as well；〃 I said。 〃Take it out of what I gave you。〃 I felt the rough boards beneath my bare feet。 〃And while you are at it；〃 I continued； 〃I'd be pleased to buy some shoes。〃
The tavernkeep didn't like this。 He was hoping to keep as much of the button's value as possible。 〃Get him some boots；〃 the sergeant snapped。 〃And if I learn you've troubled this young gentleman； I'll have your license。〃 The tavernkeep cursed； but went to fetch the boots。
〃Are you certain； gentle sir；〃 the sergeant said； 〃that you will not pleasure us with your pany？〃
〃Again； I thank you；〃 I answered。 〃But； no。 Brandy and my thoughts are the medicine I require。〃
The sergeant rejoined his panions。 I clasped the brandy goblet the tavern keeper had fetched and drank it down。 I motioned for more and tied on the leather scraps Rat Face brought me。 Then； as forlorn as any twenty…year…old can be； I returned to my drink； staring into the depths of the chipped goblet； contemplating my sins。 They were legion； beginning with the love potion itself。 I had cheated Melina into behaving in a manner that she had clearly not intended。 Her naked form； wriggling for the mounting； rose in my mind。 The vision was not erotic； but shameful。 The moment came that hopefully visits at least once in every human life。 My perspective spun。 I had been taken。 Skinned； and gutted； the object of a fraud like those perpetrated by the mean…eyed shills in the market place。 I do not use the word victim； because like the targets of the bazaar swindlers； it was my own greed that delivered me up。 I； Amalric Emilie Antero； had aided and abetted Melina and Leego with plete enthusiasm。 No one had cast a spell on me like the potion I had fed Melina。 I had lusted for her and had been willing to pay any price…the respect of my friends； or the love of my family。 I had made a roaring fool of myself in the process。
Wind rattled the tavern's shutters； and I felt as if I were in my home； in front of the altar of my long…dead brother。 I even felt his ghost enter the dingy shack。 Halab had been the family's golden child； and his fate at the hands of the Evocators still cast a long shadow over the Anteros。 Although my real memory of him was that of a three…year…old dazzled by a dashing hero adult brother； I thought I could see his face most plain by the tavern door。 Halab was smiling。 He hoisted a thumb； encouraging me to move on。 The vision vanished； but I felt a bit of worthiness return。 It was only a small bit； but it was a seed I could nurture。 I determined to redeem myself。 I would change my ways； starting with making my long…overdue maiden expedition as a merchant。 〃Finding Your Tradewind；〃 tradition called it。 My father had been urging me to take up my duties with increasing impatience。 But I had always been a test of that fine； old gentleman。
The door banged open； and three men entered。 They were big men； hard men； with a look about them that made the other rogues nervous。 One glanced at me； then whispered to his panions。 They got drinks and retired to a corner。 I returned to my thoughts。
I was the youngest child by far of my father's first and only marriage； with brothers and sisters in their thirties and forties。 So I tended to willfulness； spoiled from skin to seed； questioning just to question； my critics said。 My bodyslave； Eanes； said I was plain redheaded stubborn； with a temper to match my pate。
I was a bright but lazy student。 It didn't help that the tutor who survived my mischiefs the longest was a didact； living on a false reputation。 He was not only boring； but frequently pletely and insistently wrong。 To fight boredom； I challenged him every chance I got。 In our studies of anatomy； for instance； he claimed a man's body infinitely superior to a woman's。 I hooted at his premise。 My sister； Rali； was the physical equal of most of the men of Orissa。 〃But that is different； young master；〃 he said。
〃Why is it different？〃 I jeered。 〃Rali is a woman。 A beautiful woman； many say。 She is also a great warrior； who could take your head off with a swipe of her sword。〃 I slashed the air with an imaginary blade in illustration。
〃One exception does not refute a fact； young master；〃 my tutor insisted。 He was getting angry； rising to my goad。
〃My sister is not one exception；〃 I prodded。 〃She's only one of her regiment of woman。 Heroines for all Orissa。 Explain that。〃
The tutor sputtered； then pounded on the anatomy tome。 〃Facts are still facts；〃 he shouted。 〃It is well known women's bodies are inferior。 Their teeth are proof enough to start with。〃
〃What's wrong with their teeth？〃
〃Women have fewer teeth than men。〃 He opened the book to show me the page where it said so。 〃You see 。。。 Men have thirty…two teeth； women never more than twenty…eight。〃
I saw a young housemaid going past。 〃We'll see about that；〃 I said； rushing to catch her。 I coaxed her into the room with soft words and promises of a few coins for her trouble； and then got her to open her mouth。 I counted； and the number came to thirty…two。 The same as a man's。 My tutor stormed out； refusing to admit he'd been wrong。 I spent the remainder of the day with my friends at the gymnasium； a place I fled to frequently as the years passed and I became more skilled in irritating my teacher and his successors。
As I sat staring into my brandy； it occurred to me my father had given me an education despite myself。 He could have punished me when the teacher plained。 Instead he had always encouraged me to question conventional wisdom； to find the truth of a thing by personal observation。 It was a gift； the gift of allowing me my own thoughts and opinions。 Tears of shame stung my eyes。 I sniffled them back and sipped at my brandy。 It was time； I thought； to put away my childish ways and make my father proud。 He needed me to take up the burdens of a merchant's existence。 Every time he was forced to travel； he returned woefully weary from his efforts。 It took him longer to recover with each passing year。 My older brothers were no help。 They were stiff； formal men； better at managing the farms or the account books。 They also possessed few traits necessary for a merchant。 They disliked strange people and things； and distrusted any whiff of risk…taking。
They were my opposites； for I always took delight in the mysterious flavor of Orissa's docks； with all the strange tongues and costumes swirling about the unloading ships。 Geography was also one of the few areas of study that held my interest。 Old charts and tales of daring Findings thrilled me until I reached an age when to admit such a thing would be considered childish by my peers。 I even accepted my tutor's view of the world we lived in； although it was conventional； and I have already illustrated my healthy distrust of the conventional。 The earth was shaped like a great black egg； he said。 The sun； nurturing light and fire； was set in motion by the gods for our benefit。 Only the known lands and the sea separating them were gifted with this light。 All else was a vast