I owed a lot of that to Owen。
But this summer； I've been distant from everybody。 Part of it is Jimmy。
And yes； it's sexual； I guess。 But since I'm paying you by the hour； I'd guess that you're okay with me telling you； right？ Well； Jimmy seems to not be all that aggressive in bed。 I know that must sound weird since I'm not terribly experienced in that arena； either； but I've watched movies； I've read books； and I talk with my girlfriends about this stuff。 This isn't like twenty years ago when no one ever talked about sex。 My friends all say their boyfriends seem to put the moves on them constantly。 With Jimmy； I have to literally reach down and grab him。 And then； he just sort of you know touches me here and there and then he … well you know … and then it's over and sort of unpleasant even though it's not ghastly or anything。 It's just not what I expected。
And then there was that fiasco with my birthday party。 Christ； it was embarrassing。 Mind if I light up？ I'm hungry for nicotine at the moment。
Ravening。
Ah； that's better。 I know everyone has to give up smoking at some point in their lives； but how nice to not have to give it up just yet。
So； the seventeenth was my big party； and I didn't even want Owen there … he didn't fit in with Jimmy's friends； and many of my friends found him a little cold。 Plus； there was the whole problem of his mother； who's a force to be reckoned with。 She's always looking at me like I'm the Whore of Babylon。
She was helping us set up the party； and she kept giving me that look。 You know that look。 That mother look。
But Owen showed； and frankly； I was happy to see him。 It was sort of a relief since I'd barely seen him all summer。 Well； I saw him when he went swimming。 In our pool of course。 In our pool。 I called him Leech （funny that he and Jimmy both have been called that； huh？） when he wasn't around because he really is such a leech。 I mean it in a funny nice way； not some awful way。 I once slipped off a rock into one of the little ponds on the property； and my legs were covered with leeches。 They don't hurt。 You'd be surprised at that； wouldn't you？ You'd think that something that sucks your blood would hurt； but they don't。 It's just the fact that they're there that makes them bothersome。
So it was my little joke： calling Owen Leech。 I care a lot for Owen； actually。 We grew up together practically。 My island boy。 My father laughs whenever I call Owen Leech behind his back； but my mother； well； she doesn't understand that kind of humor。 That ironic kind of humor。 I mean it as an affectionate term。 Sort of like the way Jimmy calls him Mooncalf。 It's a name。
I guess it distances me from him or something。 But it does get annoying when someone is always borrowing things or using your things or assuming things just because his father works in the garden。 I like them。 They're like family。 I feel a lot for Owen； but really； he should've gotten over that Leech thing years ago。
I can hear my mother's voice in my head： that's cruel； Jenna。 I know。 I know。
I get accused of cruelty all the time。 Not physical cruelty。 My mother means it's cruel to fault poor people with using our things。
My mother has this thing for him。 Well； for all young men。 She won't acknowledge it； and she thinks Daddy's the bad one； but I know she likes the boys who hang around me。 And no； I'm not jealous of her。 Why should I be？
She's old。 Her time has e and gone。 My time is only just beginning。
Anyway； eighteen year old boys do not want forty year old women。 It's embarrassing； really。
Even at the party； Mom is sauntering around in that green getup she has that looks too glitzy for the island。 We all go casual here； so she looked like too much like Ginger on Gilligan's Island … too done up。 Too too； as Missy Capshaw says。 She's too too。
Missy came down from the Vineyard； and Shottsy had his cousin Alec with him； and pretty much the whole gang was there； except for the Faulkners who all went to Maine for the summer。 I guess about sixteen of my friends came； and then six or seven of Jimmy's； and then Owen with his shirt that was so new it still had the wrinkles from the cardboard box； and Shottsy made a big point of letting everyone know that part of the plastic collar liner was still under the collar。 Owen brought me this nice little gift； I mean that in an ironical way； and that's really the issue here。
But I was having some margaritas and just getting sort of high； and Marnie Llewellyn was regaling me with that story again； the one about her brother's professor and how him and two female students had gone off to Fenwick together and then got caught in the worst way； the very worst way possible。
And I saw what Owen was doing。
I saw that he had already cast a spell。 Some kind of spell。 Just like a witch。
Over Jimmy。
I saw Jimmy put his hand in Owen's hair； and I saw how they laughed； and I know it must seem irrational and paranoid； but the first thing I thought was：
That bastard is trying to steal my boyfriend。
You can imagine how I felt。 I mean； I thought it was ludicrous。 It wasn't like Skippy Marshall and that Donovan character from Harrow … they were both homosexual； and we all had known it since they got into the drama club and developed the perfect butts in the workout room doing squats。
This was different。
I thought it was absolutely ludicrous。 But I grew livid as I watched them。 Absolutely livid。 Really； from the corner of my eye。 I was working on my third or fourth margarita； and Missy kept talking and Alec kept eyeing my breasts like he always did； and I had my little circle； but they knew something was up； too。 They knew that Jimmy was not fawning on me； and I didn't really enjoy that。 Frankly。
I suppose if I had not been drinking； I wouldn't have caused a scene。
But I kept my eye on the two of them； and I saw the touches。
Yes； that's right。 Queerish little touches。 Not the kind that boys do。
Not normally。 Owen touched Jimmy's elbow； and Jimmy looked at Owen's hand。 And they laughed； and whenever one of them could； he took his fist and gently patted the other on the chest。 Like old chums； yes； maybe。 Certainly that's what I'd like to believe； but in fact； I saw Jimmy show him more genuine attention； not that needy attention he showed me； but the kind of attention every girl wants but never gets from a boy。 That adoration kind of attention。
And Owen was milking it。 I know he was。 I asked Marnie later on； and she said I was imagining things； that Jimmy had been bedding girls since eighth grade； that it was just that boy thing。 That's what she said； 〃That prep school boy thing where they get together and they touch each other and they tell dirty jokes and they check each other out。 It's because they both want you。 They need to check out the petition；〃 she said。
But I don't know。 I stood there； feeling embarrassed and humiliated； and at my party。
At my own party。
Finally I couldn't stand it。
Jimmy leaned forward and whispered something to him。 It was like slow motion。 I can remember it now like it's still in front of my face。 I saw his lips move as he whispered； and I saw Owen lean into him； and Jimmy's hand was on Owen's shoulder； and maybe I was hallucinating or maybe I saw what I saw； but I think Jimmy McTeague placed the barest whisper of a kiss on Owen's ear； at my party； with me watching； with me having to bear witness to it。 God； it's so gothic。 It's so。。。Fire Island。 It really hit me hard。
I began crying； without knowing I was doing it； weeping； just standing there； and Alec took my hand and said； 〃Aw； princess； what's up？〃
And I shook myself free of that crowd； and I walked right over to those two horrible boys； that horrible Jimmy McTeague and I whispered； 〃If you embarrass me here； I will destroy you。〃
And then； of course； I had to go back to my party。
I had to。
I had an obligation to my friends。 I was not going to let the boy who had been sleeping with me for nearly two months humiliate me in front of my friends。
It wasn't until the next morning that I opened the gift that Owen had given me； and that's pretty much why I freaked out； with my usual panache。 I didn't want to see Owen again。
Ever。
But